Dirty Bird Special

It's okeey, Judy.. I want'd to spend more time with my kids, anyway!

2006-11-10T20:53:00.000-05:00

Okay, a lot has happened since the last time I posted.

1. Rachel has entered the wonderful world of Community College. I'm currently at the fine academic establishment here at home, and living with my Mom. I'm going to be working towards getting my degree in Education. Yes, that's right, kiddies! Rachicus-Eicus wants to be a teacher. After all, I have to educate the kiddies.. share my knowledge with the future.. I mean, every parent wants their child to grow up knowing just when the Jaclyn Smith pants suits will be available at half price at the local Marshall's.

2. I've met someone, and we're deeply in love. Sure, he doesn't know it yet.. and sure, if he ever did, there'd be a restraining order slapped on me just as rough as Justine Bateman looked on a recent Lifetime movie, but I don't care. I will forever love John Krasinski.

3. The new Spiderman 3 trailer is cool, like seriously cool! Normally couldn't care less, even though I own both Spiderman and Spiderman 2.. ( -coughimpulsebuy.-) Have to say that Thomas Hayden Church is definitely in his element as Sandman.. because.. get ready for this.. a nice "Cut.. it.. out... is this thing on?" moment.. his career is falling through his hands like sand.. BAHAHA..ha. Sorry.. the filthiness is getting to my head.. definite TMI moment, but it's tough to think when you smell like bad.. "I'm in the food-court adjacent to the Stein Mart" chinese food.
4. The Office is a fabulous show, and those who don't think that.. deserve to eat it.. not moderately-soft.. not soft.. but.. HARD!!!!

5. Love the fact that Dermot Mulroney is staring in the upcoming Lifetime movie. Oh, how the mighty have fallen! Dermot, Dermot, Dermot.. expected more from you, my friend..
6. Is it bad of me? It's definitely bad that I have an interest in the new Taye Diggs show that's going to be coming on NBC.. Can't help it.. it looks good.. ignoring the fact that Taye Diggs is about as interesting as a wallpaper sample.

Flappings from a fabulously filthy bird

2006-11-10T20:44:00.000-05:00

Okay, I haven't posted in a while.. and I'm just as sorry as Ted Danson when he stopped receiving residual checks from Becker. To make up for my lack of posting, I'm going to start posting a lot more frequently, because I'm now in a filthy place again. Kind of soaked up the motor oil the last couple of months, and felt as dried up and haggard as Judith Light when she appeared on Twenty Good Years. But now, I'm back.. the bird has returned to her nest, and the world won't be prepared for what they'll hear from this dirty maccaw!

Rachicus-Eicus's Randomnicus

2006-03-20T15:17:00.000-05:00

Not trying to steal any thunder from Mr. Sikorski, because his new additions to his blog are mucho qu'est que c'est scuzzy, but I'm thinking I need to spice up my blog. Instead of having like a radio station on mine, when you come onto the blog, maybe it can just have someone going.. " Squee.. Dee.. DEE! You are on the blog of Ms. Rachy-Eeeeeeeeeeee!" Just thinking about it, tossing an idea out there.. and if you like it, take it.. and if you don't.. toss it back.
V For Vendetta is an awesome AWESOME movie! I really wanted to see it, ever since I saw the previews.. I mean, yeah.. they have the Government crap in it.. and sure, that knocks me out quicker than Nancy McKeon's husband did to dear old Nancy in the Lifetime movie I saw recently.. Seriously though, chickadees.. this movie is much like Star Wars.. when you think that you're about to drift off and fall asleep on the shoulder of the questionable guy seated next to you, smelling of apple juice and ham.. BAM! Major action! In this case, it was Natalie Portman head-shavage!
I know that my older, and extremely filthy, yet musically-inclined brother has been putting videos on You-Tube.. and I would also like to say how much I enjoy that site.. but mostly because of the fan music videos. And yes, I have found myself jamming out time and time again to some Salute Your Shorts music videos. Who needs a club mix when you have the love story of Donkey-Lips and Dina Alexander set to We Belong Together by Mariah Carey?
I'd just like to close this post, and tell you that F all of the Jeff Foxworthy: You Might Be A Redneck if.. moments.. Rachicus-Eicus is offering: You might be a Filthpot if.. moments. Coming from personal experience, here's something for ya. You might be a Filthpot if.. you turn on the shower, preparing to cleanse yourself of filth, and instead of water, grimey filth oozes out of the shower.

The World Don't Need.. another.. Raaaaccchhheeell..

2006-03-03T15:16:00.000-05:00

Okay, look.. I know I haven't posted in a while.. I'm sorry! So sorry in fact, that I'm willing to make it up to you filthy FILTHY chickadees. In fact, I'm willing to send the Good Old Dempsey over to your house, to deliver some pizza goodness. Now, there are a few things that need to be stated up-front. I won't make Patrick your Loverboy, unless you are: (a) An adult female, who is a lover of Dach-SUNT's, and likes to frequent bars where everybody knows your name. (b) A short, beastly female, who looks like she puts on her make-up with a hose, and whose name rhymes with Larry Disher. And I would like to conclude this post, by stating that whilst Mr. Dempsey might look a little bit kooky with that mustache.. if you keep sticking with me, and waiting for more posts.. I'll send him over, and he'll make you feel it.. whilst.. giving you those extra anchovies that you so desperately wanted on your pizza. ( Note to the more filthy readers of mine, we're talking a Paul Reiser level of filth for the men, and a Dixie Carter level for the women.. if you haven't seen Loverboy.. then.. I just.. I just can't talk to you anymore. Nope, you're offically cut off, and drained of your filth.)

Rachel's Really Scuzzy Randomness

2006-01-24T13:35:00.000-05:00

1. I'd just like to state for the record, that after seeing Elizabethtown for a 2nd time, Orlando Bloom's career needs to seriously meet the business end of a rifle. C'mon, Orlando! The one-arm dancing and everything, and the hopping around like a tool, wasn't helping you out very much! And you would also think.. hearing Susan Sarandon say boner would've made up for it.. but it only made it even more disturbing.

2. I'm thinking I seriously need help.. what kind of a dark place would you consider Rachel to be in, when she rents the 1st season of Curb Your Enthusiasm from the school library?

3. I love my Special Edition of Ferris Bueller.. the Bueller Bueller Edition. I'm thinking.. that they need to follow up on that tradition of making wacky editions, and just do a whole collection set for a certain Mr. Rooney. I'm thinkin' you need to go ahead and grab together Mom and Dad Save the World, Beetlejuice, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off.. for the lovely " Forget Chuckie Cheese! Kids, come and play with the Rooney, please!" Edition. It's a little lengthy, but I seriously think that kids, and even parents alike, would enjoy purchasing this DVD set.

4. I'd like to say for the record.. what a refreshing change it is.. to come back to school, and not have my door decorated with Ruby Red slippers, but with bitchin' guitars! I've gotta say, I'm seriously embracing my inner Courtney Love everyday, when I lay eyes on my orange guitar with a music note on it!

5. I also like to say, that I'm seriously loving the Office. It's qu'est que c'est hilarious! I got the 1st season on DVD from Amazon.. at a very nice used price.. and it's f'ing lovely!

Here's your Sebboriah.. I'll raise you some acne vulgaris!

2006-01-11T10:32:00.000-05:00

I'm just going to go on a rant for just a quick little minute.

You have been forewarned.. get ready for a whole lot of filthy.. and a hell of a lot of scuzziness..

I love how my only two options for completely fixing my acne, or either using the blue light, or taking medicine that could get me pregnant, or if I'm already pregnant, could cause my baby to get birth defects. And if I choose to take that medicine, I'll have to start on birth control, and have to give all of this blood work, and do this every damn 3-4 weeks. I'm sorry dude, but me and my uterus could give a rats-ass about my acne.

So, basically.. because I'm as filthy as the damn day is long, and my skin is angry, due to nerves and poor genetics.. my only two courses of action or to either get knocked up, or do the K-Mart Blue Light special.

Damn, they could at least throw a black light, or a frigging glo-stick in there.. I mean, c'mon, man!

Damn my dermatologist, who makes me take off my top, to examine my face.

My Dark Place, here we come..

2006-01-08T16:40:00.000-05:00

In the midst of my break slowly ending, and falling back into even more drama in the home-front, I still decided it was my duty to keep on truckin', and keep on postin', my chickadees.

Now, I'm not going to be a "damn litterbugger" like Rosemary Ackerman from Serial Mom, I'm simply going to recycle the filthiness..

I stumbled onto my most favoritest of the blog sites.. severly beating out " I'm so super G, I could cut your eyes out with my Hot Pink nails.. Monsieur Perezzzzzz Hilton!" Conversations about Famous People, which is the best damn thing ever, brought the American People, a story today.. which I found to be both severly scuzzy, and grimey at the same time.

After stumbling through this article, which mentioned a famous young actress.. well, actress might be stretching it a little bit.. but anywho.. a famous young actress.. whose name we won't mention, because I have a duty to keep things private for the celebrities.. Let's just call her.. Fischa Larton..

Well, Fischa Larton was out shopping with her boyfriend.. who.. we won't really get into.. but just say that the guy is the equivilant of the plethora of filth that is found on the floor of a Texaco bathroom.

Whilst taking a gander at the first photo of the Larton, I was slightly taken aback.. but as it progressed, I immediately backflipped in horror at the last close-up that I saw..

Folks, just be lucky that my computer is acting like a bitch right now, and not letting me post the photo.. If you're ready to go to your dark place, and find swallowing difficult, then head on over to Conversations about Famous People.

I won't say what the photos of Fischa depict.. I promise..

Until, then..

The End..

Perfect Postings.

2005-12-23T20:12:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't posted in a while. I'm just too filthy and scuzzy for words.

To make it up to people, I just offer up five simple words.

Mother effin' Mark Linn-Baker.

Since Cuuuuuusin Larry could put up with Balki, I'm hoping that you filthy birds can put up with Rachy-E's lack of posting. Now that I'm out of school for a little break, hopefully the filthiness will return.. If it doesn't, I give you permission to kick me in my Bronson Pinchot's.

It's beginning to look a lot like Filthmas!

2005-12-03T18:12:00.000-05:00

In the midst of putting off mounting work, and studying for finals, and getting antsy like a woman awaiting the Antonio Sabato Jr. movie marathon on Lifetime to get the hell out of school, I'd like to say how it was time for my blog to get into the holiday spirit. Rachicus E-icus enjoys the Christmas season.. I enjoy shopping at J.C. Penny's, and seeing all of the filthy macaws balancing shopping bags whilst staring at the leopard heels in the shoe section, wearing oversized sweatshirts with huge-ass snowmen on them and Mom Jeans. I enjoy getting down to the groovy tunes hitting the airwaves, whilst walking around the local Belk's. Nothing makes me get more into the Holiday Spirit, like hearing the stock boy in the back of the room belting it out over the speakers.. " It's beginning to look a lot like.. CHRISTMAS! Squee-Dee DEE... Saint Nickkkkky!" I'd like to give a nice round of applause.. and flap my dirty bird wings in appreciation to my brother Travicus-T, who made my blog, oh-so pretty.. and oh so filthy! He came up with the amazing background, and the amazing banners, which make me 900000 kinds of happy! Thank you, Travy-T!! Remember, Exodus 20:19 says.. " Honor thy father and mother, and bow down to thy filthy sister."

Happy Thanksgiving, Dickilicious!

2005-11-24T21:07:00.000-05:00

Well, while Jerri Blank might be as moist as a snack cake down there, Rachicus E-icus is as frazzled as a dirty bird who was caught sitting on the face of the cut-out of Fabio at a romance novel convention. Picture hair in a tizzy, pits le douching, and titterings from a nutty mother in the background.

I'd like to say for the record, that I'm really learning a lot, hearing my Mother, my cousin, and his wife prophicizing about the lord, Satan, and their subsequent choke-holds on our family.

" 'dat Satan.. he.. got.. hissum hold on de family!

Gotta go through the usual check-list before I end ze post.

The mongloid known as my brother being released from his cage, and wreaking havoc. -CHECK!
Prophecizing about religion from my Mom, Jeff Foxworthy the 13th disciple, and his wife Ursula Udders. - DOUBLE CHECK!
My Mom, Jeff Foxworthy, and Ursula talking shit about family members - TRIPLE CHECK!

Is it time for ze post to end? In the words of my 2nd cousin, and illegal alien Ryan.. " YES SUR!"

Dirty Discussion - Trois

2005-11-11T10:38:00.000-05:00

Yanno, I feel the need to get a few things off of my slightly filthy chest this morning.

1. I've gotta say, nothing says quelle amazing more like being woken up at 2:30 this morning by a nice fire alarm. Now, we don't have your ordinary, state of the art, sounds like a bird chirping outside Serial Mom style like I did in High School. Nope, we have a loud ass.. sounds like a rape horn, complete with lights blinking like you're at a damn rave, kind of fire alarm. So, I climbed out of bed, got the filthy sweatshirt on, and grabbed the first pair of shoes I could find.. which happened to be my damn shower shoes. By the time I got outside, I realized my wacky error, as soon as I could freaking feel the freezing cold air. So, naturally.. for the entire I think it was 15 or 20 minutes we were out there, I was dancing the watusi, I was so damn cold.

2. I've gotta say.. Rachel is so disappointed with Alias.. Like, not even kidding, the show just makes me sad, and it's becoming gayer than Issac Mizrahi ( or however the hell you spell his name) at a 50% off sale at JoAnne's Fabrics. I hate the new chick on there, that played the slutty babysitter in Amityville Horror. I swear, if things don't start getting better on that show, Rachel is going to do a qu'est que c'est swan dive out of her room window.

3. Our school is finally doing something right.. and is showing The Wedding Crashers tonight, and Rachel is going to be all over that shiznit like the filthy schiza that I am. Don't even care that I've already seen it twice.. I need my Monsieur Vince Vaughn fix today.. and I need to kick it Canadian style with Rachel McAdams.

4. My RA keeps bugging everyone to write something on our career board. And she moseyed on over to me earlier in the week, and asked if I had written on it yet.. and when I answered no.. she asked what I wanted to be.. I turned to her, and said.. " Video Whore at Blockbuster.." I think that's a perfectly fine answer, don't you?

5. I hope today that I will get my freaking Freaks and Geeks on DVD in the mail. I ordered it a while ago, on Amazon.. using my gift certificate from my " I'm so g-damn crazy, that I literally make Gary Busey look like a scholar" father. If I don't get it today, I'm literally gonna go Rachel the Hulk, and rip my mailbox off of the hinges and hurl it across the room, hopefully hitting the hickish mail room guy.

6. I'm so ready for Thanksgiving break already.. I need a serious.. and I mean.. SERIOUS qu'est que c'est break from school.. I want to be able to not get syphillis in the comfort of my own shower at home.

7. My roommate is moving out today. So, Rachel is going to have the room to herself for a whole week, before I get another roommate. Part-EE! Of course, she's taking her piece of crap DVD player with her, and Rachel is going to have to watch DVD's on the laptop.. but oh well.. I'll make do.. hopefully.. and I can watch Strangers with Candy in peace..

Qu'est que c'est Rachicus est sorry!

2005-11-04T09:49:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I've posted, and I'm sorry.. that's qu'est que c'est my bad!

School has just been amazing.. this week has sucked harder than a nice newly purchased Hoover vaccuum clearner, my friends!

But, I'm not going to dwell on the quelle suckiness that has been school, I'm going to dive into happier and filthier topics.

1. I've seen the amazing trailer for the Producers that was twirling and tapping its way across the web. Let me just first say, for the record, that Rachy-E isn't a fan of the musicals. I normally can't stand them with a passion, even though I saw Hairspray and loved the shiznit out of it! I mean, c'mon friends, if you got to see Bruce Vilanch hop on out of a hairspray can.. you'd be happier than a 40 year old caucasian male pervert in the delicates section of a Belk's too! Being able to watch Matthew Broderick tap and strut, and sing.. it just brought a smile to my face.
" Squee deee DEE! I'm a producer and Mr. Ferris B!"

2. I would just like to go ahead and toss out my petition, ladies and gentlemen, so go ahead and sign it. Seeing as how the Grammy's are coming up soon, I'd like to toss out an early nomination for the beautiful, the amazing, the sweet-sounding vocal stylings of Sir Kevin Federline. After hearing his beautiful song, entitled " Y'all Ain't Ready", I was floored. The sensational vocal stylings, the beautiful background music that was obviously created from pressing a few buttons on a Casio.. it was fantastic. And Grammy commitee, you better consider Sir. Federline, considering that he is ready to be respected for the true singer he is, and not the walking trash heap that people claim him to be. I mean, c'mon.. " Back then, they call me K-Fed, but you can call me Daddy instead." If you people can't see the genius right there, then.. I can't talk to you anymore.

3. I happened to catch a video, last night that was circulating the web. Granted, the quality is severly shitty, but nevertheless, I still had an amazing time watching it. What is this video that Rachicus speaks of, my friends? Well, it's the amazing video of one Ms. " I'm filthier than a bathroom floor of a Denny's" Ashlee Simpson, and it's of her drunkenly flipping out, and creating a scene at a Mickey D's in Canada. Now, why was Ashlee creating this scene, you ask? Was it because she wanted her fries.. " La.. La.. La, La, La.. LARGE!", and they gave her medium? Who knows, my friends.. Anything's possible with this magpie..

North Country - The moving and inspirational story of wronged dirty birds.

2005-10-13T13:03:00.000-04:00

I would like to say that I really admire the moving and emotional trailer for North Country starring Charlize Theron. If you all haven't seen it yet, you should check it out, because truthfully I believe this film speaks to all dirty birds out there. All of those filthy macaws who are held down at work, and throttled in the coal mines. Which, on a separate note, I bet it was fun as hell to be able to drop kick Charlize Theron in the ass, and watch her seriously eat coal. I would like to drop all serious joking aside for a second.. just seeing the sexual harassment that these women went through, watching the serious musical score playing, as the woman was in mid-wipe in the porta-potty, and her manly co-workers start throttling the side of the john, and rocking it back and forth, made me cry. CRY OUT OF DAMN LAUGHTER, BITCHES! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Keep up the wacky film roles, there Charlize.. God.. let's see how many more pictures can be tossed out, involving you getting raped, or choked, or kicked face-first into the dirt.

Deep in love, and dry-wall.

2005-10-13T12:48:00.000-04:00

Conversations about Famous People, I would just like to say.. is the best damn blog in the world.. next to mine of course, and a few wacky ones about wicker that I've seen. I absolutely adore this picture of Cynthia Nixon strolling down the street, arm in arm with her dry-wall partner. Look, I'm not going to judge, because just like the oh-so great Conversations about Famous People blog said, Love is Blind. Well, Love is definitely blind in this case, and extremely f'ing filthy. Love the Olive-Oil shirt there, Cynthia.. it matches perfectly with Bluto walking there next to ya.

Dirty Discussion # Deux

2005-10-07T12:00:00.000-04:00

I'm offically in the midst of quitting my job at the lovely dining hall at my school. I got a nice resignation form from the office, and I filled it out today, and I'm going to happily hand it to the retard who runs the place, and tell him F off! I just got tired of being yelled at for the dumbest shit, and tired of the stress, and most importantly, tired of going into the mop room that smelled like moldy ass. I thought about staging a nice Norma Rae type of situation.. yanno.. Rachy-E standing ontop of a table, donning a nice hairnet instead of the usual wacky scarf tied around the head.. holding a sign, whilst standing ontop of a nice smushed grape/french-fry combo that decorates the table.
Our library is f'ing awesome, man! The DVD collection is the shiznit! I mean.. let's face it.. what other college library DVD selection would have such classics as Polyester, Ruthless People, and f'ing Northern Exposure the complete first and second seasons!
This weekend is Oktoberfest on campus. We're having some wacky events on campus. -coughNOTcough.- We have a lovely musical guest.. I totally forget his name at the moment, but he's an amazing singer.. accomplished songwriter.. he's the genius that coined the lovely K.C. Kasem Top 10 hit " Because I Got High."
My favorite shower in our bathroom is clogged. I'm sure.. hell, I'm convinced that my RA did it.. the drain's probably filled to the brim with filth and massive amounts of Cap'n Crunch Peanut Butter cereal.
Hands down, working out in my PE class to a nice 80's Jane Fonda work-out tape.. the best thing ever. Loved the spandex.. and loved the wacky cameos.. I mean, Peggy Lipton doing ab crunches! Quelle surprise!
Roommate's leaving again for the weekend! YAAAAAY! I'm going to love being able to have the room to myself.. I'll of course be labeled the hermit of the hall yet again for not wanting to do anything.. but I don't care! As fun as it would be to go to a nice party on campus, and get slipped a roofie.. I don't think so.. I prefer mickeys being slipped to me, thank you very much!
Had an oral presentation to do in French today.. Can you say, " Qu'est que c'est Rachel doesn't give a flying F about ze class?"

Dirty Discussion - #1

2005-09-30T10:27:00.000-04:00

Okay, I've gotta say for the record.. that I'm a little peeved about the Alias episode last night. I'm not cool with main characters leaving shows, and so many new ones being introduced. I mean, bringing in the f'ing chick who played Fred on Angel? Let me tell you something, nothing screams a fascinating season more than Amy Acker. Geez. I hope they play the amazing theme song to Angel everytime she's introduced. Dun, dun, dun, DUN DUN DUN.. Ewwwww Wayy Eww Wayyy Eww Wayyyooo.. That is my amazing rendention of the Angel theme song.. and I know it was amazing.. and you're just jealous that you can't interpret it so amazingly.
I love the fact that this girl on my hallway writes Vagina everyday on my RA's board. AHAHAHA! It makes me smile and laugh on a daily basis. It's the little things that bring a smile to my face.
I'm still trying to get along with my roommate.. but it's what the French would call.. qu'est que c'est tres pain in the ass. Her fiancee was up here yesterday, and they spent the majority of the rest of the day celebrating his birthday complete with spooning and him smacking her ass while I was in the room. Nice... real nice.
Squeeee Deee DEEE... Rachy-E's birthday's coming up soon... YAAY!
I learned how to say you're a muscular man in Polish last night.. is it wrong that I wanted to go down and attempt to say that to my RA?
I have a Math test today, so it's time to gather in a prayer circle.. because that class kicks my A on a filthy daily basis. My teacher is seriously insane in the membrane.. and was sporting the most amazing Denim outfit known to man on class on Monday. I enjoyed sitting next to people, and making fun of it loudly. That's what class is all about, my friend.
I have to work tonight, capping off a fun weekend of constantly working in the dining hall. I would just like to say that even though I hate doing it, it does give me a chance to showcase my filthiness to the world. Like, yesterday for example, I spent an entire hour in the Sandwich area, fixing sandwiches for people, unaware that I had a giant piece of turkey stuck to my arm for an hour. If that's not filthy dedication, then I don't know what is.
They should bottle up the aroma that wafts throughout the mop/broom room in the dining hall. I mean, to the ordinary nostril, this scent would burn.. but I've gotta tell ya.. screw all of those frou-frou scents that you smell in your local Hecht's in the Cosmetics department. The smell of moldy-ass and vinegar, and pure sic that permeates throughout the broom room.. god.. it's the smell of daises, my friend.

Back to school.... Baaack to schoooolll..

2005-09-25T18:57:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm back from a lovely weekend with ze Mom in Lynchburg. This weekend was Family Weekend, here at our lovely college.. and the activities were tres shitty.. so Mom and I decided to go and hang out in Lynchburg. After going to the lovely mall, my Mom got me some lovely kick-ass duck pj's at Aeropostle.. as well as some t-shirts which are awesome! We went to see the lovely Reese Witherspoon film " Just Like Heaven" at the local Carmike which was in the mall. I'm sure most people were groaning after seeing the trailer.. and especially after the amazing cinematic achievement that was Legally Blonde 2.. people weren't necessarily on the wacky Reese Witherspoon film train..FYI: I completely hated that movie with a passion.. the scene at the end with her and Luke Wilson running in slow-mo to Leann Rimes " We Can Do the Impossible".. should've won an Oscar for Best Musical Score.. it was amazing.. Hahahaha! I bought the 1st season of Desperate Housewives as well as the amazing AMAZING.. thank god, I finally found it at a cheap price.. special edition thing of Billy Madison on DVD! God, that movie's awesome! The menu's f'ing great! I love it.. It just shows the Sandler walking back and forth at the bus stop, doing a rousing rendention of " Oh.. back to schoooolll.. back to schooolll.." Nothing else that amazing to report.. Mom's left.. I'm literally going to have the busiest week ever.. They have me working the entire weekend in the Dining Hall.. which is seriously going to suck some major boy band ass! I've also got to take a cholestrol test for P.E. on Tuesday, and give blood.. Can you say qu'est que c'est AHHHHHHHH! Tonight is Desperate Housewives/Grey's Anatomy night, bitches! I'm going to have fun tonight with the Dempsey and the Hatcher!

Complete College Kookiness - #1

2005-09-21T20:12:00.000-04:00

A new girl moved into our floor, and she looks just like Erika Christensen. She seems pretty cool, and any girl that can refer to the bars hanging down over my bed as sex poles, seems filthy as F to me.
My Name is Earl is the greatest f'ing show ever! Absolutely hilarious! Love seeing Mr. Jason Lee getting hit by the car, and the wacky camera angles!
I forgot to mention about me hanging out with my RA and her friends this weekend. We went to see The Exorcism of Emily Rose at the theater which I totally knew was going to suck ass, and it definitely did. It was about as fascinating as any Laura Linney picture usually is.
My RA and her friends = Filthy.. no wait, a word that is worse than filthy.. I'm leaning towards scuzzy right now. While we were waiting in the lovely theater that smelled like an aquarium and the E.T. ride at Universal Studios.. which in case if you haven't ever been there, it smells like moldy carpet, wet bananas, and just pure.. PURE SCUZZ! We were in the theater, and they were having a heated discussion about the inner struggle between Wolverine and Jean Grey.

She's like the village bicycle.. everyone's had a ride!

2005-09-18T16:57:00.000-04:00

So, last night, after a filthy night of fun which I will divulge more about later, I lay my sleepy head down onto my pillow and prepared for a fun night of sleep. It was around 1am when I went to sleep, and what woke me up at 3am.. I don't know if it was a filthy act of God, or what.. but I was awoken to the sounds of some serious creaking next door. Now, I'd like to paint you a picture of our neighbors.. there's a girl on our right, who lives alone and is a sophomore named Maggie. Now, Maggie is what we like to call a " Girl who likes to eat her feelings.." a Blonde Emma Gerber if you will. If you don't know what I'm talking about, and haven't seen Mean Girls.. well.. shame on you.. we can't be friends anymore, it's over. The girls to our left are filthy athletic-type chicks, who enjoy stealing the marker on our dry-erase board outside.. which quite frankily is wacky as sin! I've never understood the need for people to steal.. but moreso.. steal the gayest things ever! That's so badass.. " Hey, let me steal this nice dry-erase marker!" Anywho, to refer back to the creaking I was talking about earlier, it just continued going at a rapid pace.. and I immediately started hearing this manly feminine voice singing in key of E. So, yes, ladies and gentlemen, at 3 in the morning, I was witnessing through the miracle of hearing.. our next door neighbor being ridden harder than Tara Reid at the wrap party for her first season of Taradise. I'm not an idiot, I'm not trying to say I'm better than anyone else, but people like SERIOUSLY have no class anymore.. it's so amazing. I sometimes have no room to talk because I'm filthier than the floor of Texaco bathroom... or filthier than the floor of our bathroom.. To give a nice close to this post, I would like to say for the record how I love going into public bathrooms and finding tons and tons of toilet paper strewn throughout the stall. It's like someone decided they'd like a toilet paper scarf to wear.. but they'd rather have it in puce than in white.

Lo...BO, is it?

2005-09-16T10:11:00.000-04:00

1. Walking by my RA's door, and seeing her little schedule that she writes for herself: 3-4 class, 5pm dinner, 6-8 hallway duty, and seeing underneath that.. someone writing 9pm-Put on my Maxi pad, made me laugh so hard and fall down from laughter on the way to my room.

2. In my French class, we got to write a paper describing our favorite character from a movie, tv show, or book. Aww, dayum! The possibilties were endless for a filthy macaw like myself, but I ended up narrowing down my choices to one particular favorite. I think I truly captured the essence that is Cher Horowitz from Clueless. Someone last year wrote an essay describing Sophia from the Golden Girls! BWAHAHAHA! That is absolutely genius, and I could totally hear the paper now.. " Qu'est que c'est picture et, Sicily, 1935.."

3. I once again get to have the room to myself this weekend, because my roommate is going home to spend time with her fiancee. Squee dee DEEEE, Rachy-EEEE's got the room to herself.. I can blast some Pretty in Pink on the old-ass DVD player, and can sit down and make my own pink prom dress in peace.

4. Got to finally watch an episode of the O.C. last night. Didn't know if I was going to be able to, what with all of the damn tutoring I have to go to.. Math tutoring Tuesday and Thursday nights from 7-8, and French tutoring Monday and Wednesday nights from 7-8 as well. Love being filthy and completely stupid in my classes. Oh, Mischa Barton.. how I've missed you and your horrible acting skills! Loved watching you almost get a brain aneurysm last night, trying to produce just one tear, and act like you were sad about you and Ryan being kicked out of the carnival and out of school.

5. I'm not going to go into detail, but it's amazing the different items you can find in the bathroom here. I mean, you could just be going in for an ordinary shower like I was, and low and behold, you find pennies in the shower stall.. which obviously came from the perverted handy-man peeking into the stall, and asking the filthy girl if she has change for a 20, and all of the money falls out of her coin purse.. if you know what I mean, and I think ya do! Or, you could just be going in for your standard brushing of the teeth, and finding a discarded pair of undies at the sink area! I quickly did a double take whilst juggling toothpaste in my mouth, and recoiled and pulled a nice Jack Tripper, putting the fist in ze mouth.

6. I'm sad that I can't get Gilmore Girls here.. it makes me sniffle inside.

7. Work makes me tired.. the black cafeteria workers, make me smile and laugh.

8. I'm finally able to open my mailbox! YAAAY!

Don't you wish she was your Mom?

2005-09-15T23:12:00.000-04:00

Look, I'm not going to follow the trend, and make fun of Britney Spears because quite frankily, that's just too filthy for someone like me to attempt. What I'm going to do instead, is just glance at the picture to my left, shake my head, and say this.. " F.. F... F..Fuckin' FILTHY!"

Creepy Thin Man is the keenest, man!

2005-09-10T11:39:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I have the entire room to myself because my roommate's gone home this weekend. I think she will be doing this a lot, so I can honestly say that I'm a pretty happy and somewhat silly goose! Last night, I attended one of the lovely and super Qu-WACKY campus events, and heard this band playing called Conshafter. Now, I can honestly say that aside from the lovely Ghost of the Robot concert that I attended, this one definitely took the cake. Let me just paint a picture for all of you filthy-ass birds.. We had the wacky lead singer who looked just like Crispin Glover clad in a pair of Chuck Taylors, and trying to look punk in a Rolling Stones t-shirt which I thought was hilarious. On a quick side note, I enjoy seeing people so desperately trying to be punk.. it makes me laugh so wacky.. Crispin was seriously rocking on the air guitar, and it made me die of laughter. The guy playing base guitar looked like a middle-aged version of Elden Henson.. now if any of you aren't aware of Mr. Henson.. how dare you! Why, he's of Idle Hands fame, biotch! And last but not least, the guy seriously shreding the guitar looked just like Mr. Cillian Murphy of Red Eye, which made me die laughing! The drummer didn't look like anyone famous, he was just filthy overall which I throughouly enjoyed. Probably hands down, the best part for me, was just watching the filthy FILTHY macaws kicking their combat boots in the air, and swaying to the beat.. it twas HEELARIOUS! Other than that wackiness, I'm planning a wacky trip on the "FAB" bus system to Wal-Mart with a few people on our floor.. I will be giving a full report later on the smell of the bus.. and whether it contains a nice Apple Juice urine-ish odor.. or if it smells like just pure vomit.. Stay tuned! Oh, one more thing.. being the filthy beast that I am, I bought a nice Conshafter t-shirt that has a nice airplane on it.. and underneath it.. it says Get off! Aww.. YEAH! It's way too filthy for words, but it seemed perfect!

Cause you're a dog, Louise... A DOG!!!!!!!!

2005-09-06T09:35:00.000-04:00

Okay, it is offically 9:24 in the A.M., and my roommate has left for class. Now, whilst I'm doing my wacky dance of joy, and trying to hard not to smell of moldy cheese and morning breath, I'll go ahead and just get straight up WACKY!

1. I love that I'm known as the Filthy Blockbuster Girl on our floor. People come by and borrow movies, and I'm happy to expose them to my filthiness. I should seriously end up charging late fees, and try to get my room to smell like moldy socks, feet, vomit, and Chef Boyardee to compare to the Blockbusters from home, and where Travis lives.

2. You know you've hit gold, and I mean.. GOLD.. when you hear your roommate's boyfriend discussing how hard his nipple got, when her sister accidentally brushed up against it.

3. Watching Primal Fear with Richard Gere before you go to bed.. probably not the best idea. That is how filthy my roommate's DVD collection is.

4. Pppssstt.. I loved the season finale of Entourage, and as ashamed as I am to admit this, the Comeback one wasn't too bad either.

5. I love my special edition of Clueless on DVD. I love being able to hear Brittany Murphy singing the Mentos theme song in French Dolby.

6. Loved watching a nice Reno 911 season 3 marathon yesterday! Nothing quickly cures the harumphs of being back to school more than Lieutenant Dangle working out in a jail cell in his underwear.

7. I love the Shopgirl trailer with Steve Martin and Claire Danes. Even though, Steve Martin looks just like my Dad, and it severly creeps me out, it looks like it'll be a good movie.

8. They better not F with my Alias. I'm hearing some things, reading some rumors, which are not pretty.. Don't screw with my Thursday Nights, Garner!

Well, today's gonna be a lovely work day for Rachel in the dining hall. Hopefully, I'll be in the sandwich department again.. and just be making them. Let me tell you, making sandwiches is a filthy job.. At the end of the day, I'm so filthy, and disheveled, and covered with the stench of green peppers, and have sprouts hanging all over me.. it's amazing.

I'd just like to say though, that when the going gets tough for a filthy F like myself, I like to think back to a famous quote that I heard once from my favorite mermaid-dress wearing philosopher E.G. Daily.

" We're doing what can't be done.. mind over matter...... Fight... never say die!"

It does not say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty!

2005-09-03T19:41:00.000-04:00

So, my first week of classes is finally complete, and I'm at home right now, hanging out and being filthy this Labor Day weekend.

1. Working in the Dining Hall is definitely interesting for my work study stuff. The Supervisors that we have, are of course, rather shitty.. but I completely dig the ARAMARK workers that are behind the scenes. They're some of the coolest black women I've ever met!

2. Having one of the heads of the dining hall giving me a hard time wasn't too bad.. Hearing the Wildabeast snottily inform me that I wasn't wiping down the tables correctly was kind of annoying.. but a quick smile formed as soon as she left, and I thought about the 800000000 ways I could shove the towel infested with filth, french fry bits, and bread crumbs up her ass.

3. I love having a math teacher who is the equilivent of Ms. Geist from Clueless.

4. Still can't open my mailbox yet.. but oh well.. it don't matter!

5. So far, I've counted on my journeys across campus: 3 total perverts, 1 President of the Valerie Bertinelli fan club, a few people who enjoy knitting human hair sweaters, and a faculty member who obviously was Secretary of the Scott Bakula fan club.

6. I'm really embracing the true bonds of sisterhood in my dorm. Nothing says togetherness more than standing at the sink, trying to brush your teeth, and feeling like you're in the bathroom of a Hechts.. hearing a girl daintly whizzing and squaking away on her cell phone.

h2o heaven, biotches!

2005-08-27T10:21:00.000-04:00

Here is a nice picture of the bursting.. and douching fountains that are spread throughout our campus. I believe that this little building is just adjacent to the filthy-ass library that's pretty nice on our campus. I predict that I will see many filthy-macaws running around, and flapping their wings in the midst of the water.. and hear the lovely chords of one of my favorite songs and one of the Dirty Bird anthems.. " I'm only happy when it raaaaaaiiiinnnnnsss...."

Messssage TIIIME!

2005-08-27T10:12:00.000-04:00

The next thing on our filthy photo tour is a lovely pic of my RA's message board that hangs on her door. It's not that filthy.. it's not that scuzzy except for what lies just beneath the pen. Each day, my RA leaves a nice quote.. not a normal quote.. but one that reeks.. that douches of wackiness! Yesterday, I wish I could've captured the lovely quote of the day.. but I believe it was from My So Called Life. Let me tell you, this girl is far from being Ms. Angela Chase.. FAR FROM IT.
Pppsssttt.. she's got a nice inflatable pink guitar in her room, a HUGE-ASS Jack White from the White Stripes poster.. and most importantly, she's the filthiest schickza that I've ever met. So, bunk beds.. CHECK! Small-ass room.. DOUBLE CHECK! Filthy-RA... HELLS YEAH!

The Wonderful Wacky Floor Theme

2005-08-27T10:00:00.000-04:00

So, each floor in each of the dorms at my lovely college, has a wacky theme to them. The floor with the dudes below us, has like this weird Top Hat and Tuxedo theme, and our theme.. drumroll if you can't so obviously tell.. is the Wizard of Oz. Yup, my RA is probably as filthy as filthy can get. At the hall meeting she was wearing red sneakers that she had put glitter on, and tried to make them look all ruby. FILTHEE! So, we have ruby slippers on our door. I personally think it's hilarious, and my roommate likes it too! In fact, she likes it so much, she whipped out her ruby slippers tattoo that's on her hip so I could see it. Interesting.. Wacky.. and pretty gosh darn.. DIRTEE!

B...B...B...BUNK BEDS!

2005-08-27T09:52:00.000-04:00

Travis has sent me the pictures of our lovely trip to Farmville, so I feel so filthy and inclined to share them with you. To your left, you will find our beds. I thought I could debunk the bunk beds, because having bunk beds is so gay.. but apparently, we couldn't. So, this is the layout right now. My roommate kind of bitches because she has the top bunk, and she has to climb ontop of the dresser, but oh well. Her bed has these metal railings I guess you would call it underneath, and I bang my head on them each morning. So, I guess it's a fair filthy trade, huh? FYI- It's so great, and so damn filthy to be able to have so many cool pillows on your bed! I love having the ability to snuggle up to my stuffed Fish body pillow, and Annie Potts at the same time. Quelle awesomeness!

Tired... FILTHEEEEEEEE.

2005-08-24T19:08:00.000-04:00

My roommate is coming tomorrow. Wish me dirty wishes and filthy good luck, because that's definitely going to be interesting. You know, that I'll be letting you know first hand what she's gonna be like. She's supposedly gonna bring the DVD player, and she definitely better do it, because Rachy-E's gonna cut yo' ass if I don't have a DVD player. I'm actually pretty happy with the way the room is organized today, and hope that's not gonna get too f'd up. I also hope that next year my room won't be like damn cell block Rachy-E. If you guys need a good laugh tonight, try and picture Rachy-E using the communal shower tonight, because that's gonna be hella interesting. I've gots me a nice key to the bathroom, so it's definitely gonna be interesting. As far as the town goes, there really isn't that much to do in Farmville.. AT ALL. We have a lot of restaurants around, and there's a nice.. AMAZING.. BEAUTIFUL.. Wal-Mart nearby. Oh, and yes.. we do have a nice Roses.. for all of your amazing Discount needs. Might I just say how amazing it was to go to Wal-Mart yesterday and not only see the amazing array of Fish Fillets to choose from.. but also see the amazing black man clad in I Know What You Did Last Summer Fisherman's clothing. Nice and creepy to see him standing there at the exit.. made the experience even more worthwild. Stay tuned for more filthy random thoughts and more wacky fun, as it occurs! I'll definitely share more later, so I hope you filthy MACAWS can stay tuned.

MOVING DAY! -snaps picture.- MARGARITAS!

2005-08-24T18:26:00.000-04:00

Okay, I'd like to first start off by saying how damn cool and amazing it is to finally FINALLY have internet access! Thank you Travy-TEEE! Well, I'm offically in the middle of day 2 here at lovely Longwood U. I will be posting pictures of my room soon, I believe Travis took a few. Pppsssttt.. I had to completely change my room and its contents around twice. The size of my dorm room equals a prison cell, I believe. So, we're probably talking about Pedophile size. Okay, so we moved in yesterday, and they had the bunk-beds stacked up, two desks, and two dressers shoved into this tiny room. After rearranging the room a million times like a damn game of Tetris, we ended up putting the other desk in the hallway, figuring that someone else could probably use it, because we saw others sitting there. So, after Mom and Travy-Teeeee left, and me losing it and crying like a little baby, more than my Mom.. I was able to calm down for a little bit.. or so I thought. Watching a little Tommy Lee, and arranging my DVD's, I was interrupted by a knock on the door from my R.A. She had been absent the entire day, due to some wacky training, and she came by to say hi, and say that I need to keep the desk in the hallway in my room. Every room needs to keep all of the furniture in there, but when you're living in a damn shoebox.. it's pretty difficult.. she then told me, that we'd have to move everything around, and actually thought that she and I could hoist up the dressers and everything. After mentally telling her to EAT IT, I ended up blubbering on the phone like a little baby to my Mom and Travis, and they came back to help rearrange everything again before my roommate comes tomorrow. So, I guess it all worked out in the end. THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH, Travy-Tee, and Mom.. you're sooooooo awesome to theeee!

Do it.. Dooooooo it.

2005-08-17T22:40:00.000-04:00

Good golly, Miss Molly! I'm so gosh-darn looking forward to seeing this movie! It's gonna be GREAT! Screw all of the summer movies.. screw Mark Wahlberg and his "Four Brothas!" Hell, even screw Jessica and her Simpsons in the Dukes of Hazzard. ( Ah.. scratch that.. Jessica would probably enjoy that way too much.) This movie is going to rule all, and is gonna be the shit! I likey my bikey.. and I likey the Carell. Pppsstt.. If you're not watching or choose not to watch the Office on NBC, then I offically can't talk to you anymore. Nope, that's it. You've ruined your chances to converse with this filthy bird, anymore. Until you've succumbed to the wacky Office antics, we offically can't have any filthy fun together. So, with the school season starting, do me a favor.. do a little homework for Professor Maggotus, and see the 40 Year Old Virgin and the Office. Dooo ittt. Dooo itt..

Travy-T is the bestest brother to theeeeee!

2005-08-11T22:26:00.000-04:00

Once again, I'd like to thank Travy-T for seriously.. and I mean.. SERIOUSLY trickin' out my blog ! He completely knows my filthy vision, and captured it perfectly! I absolutely love those banners! Nothing says filthy fun like Kirstie Alley discussing the finer points of DachSUITS. So, thank you so very much, Travy-T for making my blog so f'ing cool!

1. Love the new Kathy Griffin show on Bravo. I absolutely love her filthiness, and her loud and shrill voice! I swear, if Kathy Griffin were to ever be viciously murdered, which I do not wish on her, she'd be the type of person that would still carry on conversation about Clay GAY-kin whilst being stabbed or shot at! Kathy, you are offically my hero! You're right up there with Busey, Ms. G!

2. For the life of me, I absolutely do not.. and I mean.. DO NOT understand why I watch Celebrity Poker Showdown on Bravo. I find it extremely filthy and boring, yet I still cannot CANNOT turn away. Watched double Z-List celebrities Scott Wolf, Bonnie Hunt, Lacey Chabert, the dude who played J. Jonah JAMESON on the Spiderman movies, and lovely Robert Wagner. I am intrigued.. and rather horrified by the new upcoming season, after seeing both Rosie O'Donnell and Caroline Rhea in the preview. Michael Vartan though is tres keen in my opinion, so it was very cool to see him again! Guess he's trying to make sure his favorite charity doesn't get a hit before our upcoming wedding. Gotta love his dedication!

3. Reno 911.. still.. without a shadow of a doubt.. is the bestest show ever! Best thing ever, on this week's episode was watching my favorite dude Terry on rollerblades, skating out of the bathroom, of Tacos, Tacos, Tacos.. wearing his little uniform, and giving "tug jobs." HAHAHAHA! God, that show just gets better and better! " Heeeeyy Guuyyzz!" Best line ever, Terry.

Let's hug it out, BIOTCH!

2005-08-09T14:42:00.000-04:00

Okay, first off, I'd like to give some mad.. and I mean.. MAD props to my lovely brother, Travy-T for making those f'ing cool banners! I applaud you, your creativity, and your absolute.. UNDENIABLE filthiness! Okay, so yes, I did go and see the Dukes of Hazzard on Saturday. When we went in, I was all prepared to loathe this movie.. and I kind of did in some parts( ie: anything involving the amazing Burt Reynolds), but I actually thought it wasn't that bad. This movie definitely falls into the wacky Summer Popcorn movie genre! Okay, so yes, I did like it. Yes, I did think it was funny. And yes, maybe I don't remember like 90% of the movie after exiting the theater, but that didn't mean I didn't have a wacky time! What can I say, the person who caused all of the wacky giggling on my part, would have to be Mr. Seann William Scott. Now, the Knoxville made me laugh a tad, but Stifler really made me giggle a whole heck of a lot more! Jessica Simpson was just.. well, she was just there.. she did what she was supposed to do, which was to bring the sex and the Trenchcoat Teds definitely flocked to it! She did hold her own though in the wacky bar room brawl with the pool equipment.. but then again, Jess definitely enjoys fondling balls.. if you know what I mean, and I think ya do! And according to Jessica on the lovely Regis and Kelly program when she hosted, it truly was an honor to play such an "iconish" figure such as Daisy Duke. HAHAHAHAHA! Can't wait for her to venture into dramatic roles, like her lovely sis Ashlee.. who's next film is coming out in August.. looks so incredibly shitty.. and makes me laugh.. This is such an amazing film folks, that in the 10 second commercial on tv, I don't remember the damn title.. or anything about it! HAHAHA! Well, it's time for this filthy post to end.. I just saw a picture of pregnant Britney Spears in a bikini, and I've just offically arrived at my dark place.

Rachy-E's Biggest Hero EVER.

2005-08-05T23:23:00.000-04:00

I'm with Busey on DVD.. Qu'est que c'est? Monsieur Busey est Rachy-E's hero. Monsieur Jewish dude, n'est pas.

This show simply needs to be on DVD. SIMPLY needs to be! I wanna see Gary fighting with my favorite Andy Dick at the video store! I wanna see Gary teaching Adam, his hugest fan, karate!

Gary Busey is a genius, and is without a doubt my hero.

The END. Period. End of sentence.

Best Show EVER.

2005-08-05T23:14:00.000-04:00

Watching Best Week Ever, and I simply just have to address this one issue.. it's so f'ing hilarious. They were talking about Nick and Jessica, and their obviously perfect divor.. I mean, marriage. They were saying how Johnny Knoxville went on my favorite Howie Stern show, and took a lie detector test, proving that he didn't sleep with Jessica Simpson. However, an interesting fact popped up that caught my filthy eye, and they addressed it. Mr. Knoxville did make out with Jessica Simpson and pleasured himself.. which is so sleazy and piglike.. but it also makes me die laughing. Not for the visual, but for what Mr. Stern was doing at the time.. Bet Johnny didn't get that entire confession out, before my favorite five words were uttered.. " Let me tell you somethin'."

Mr. Paul F. Tompkins, who is so wacky upon words did offer up this lovely correction to the Johnny Knoxville accusation:

" Johnny Knoxville didn't pleasure himself after kissing Jessica Simpson. He instead, stapled her balls to her leg, and then they took off in some grocery carts."

I LOVE this show.. Love it.. LOVE IT. Who needs the actual news? Even though the show isn't coming back until September, I will forever adore this show. Hell, I'll even carry both Modern Humorist's love children, just as long as the show keeps being wacky. Even though they're both ugly, and filthy, I'd do it.. see.. that's how dedicated I am to this show!

She's my baby... my big FAT BABY.

2005-08-05T23:06:00.000-04:00

Gonna go see Dukes of Hazzard tomorrow. This will be a trainwreck of epic proportions, but I still CAN'T wait to see it! I wanna see Jessica Simpson's amazing acting ability, which according to some sites has amazingly reached the Mariah Carey level of acting. Burt Reynolds couldn't look more uncomfortable in the film. Let's keep it up with the remakes, Burt.. I'm sure that pesky morgage of yours is a bitch to pay. In all of the press I've seen everyone in the cast do, and yes, that does include Jessica Simpson's amazing hosting stint on Regis and Kelly, I love how the only things mentioned in the film are Jessica's ass and the wacky car chases. That, my friend, is a true-blue sign of an amazing film when no one mentions the actual movie itself. Ah, screw it.. The 40 Year Old Virgin's coming out soon, and that's totally going to rule all. I love how it's got not only Steve Carell, but also the Rudd, and the dude that played on Freaks and Geeks. This is not only gonna be funny.. it's gonna be f'ing brilliant! If not for the comedy alone, then for those bitchin' virgins who can finally step proudly out of their darkened lairs.

Time to get DIRTTTTAY!

2005-08-03T21:15:00.000-04:00

Absolutely love the amazing new preview for the upcoming Lifetime movie. Now, normally, I don't head over to the Lifetime network, unless I'm definitely in need of some true-blue filthiness, or if I wanna hear " In ya brazzere, Rose!" Now, if you didn't think the filthy-ass Beach Girls movie wasn't wacky enough for ya, we've got a new movie starring the Gertz. Now, to the naked eye, this movie might look like a blatant copy of Dangerous Minds starring Michelle Pfeiffer.. but I'm here to tell ya, that this movie is quite different. Okay, first of all.. Jami Gertz is trying to teach hardcore inner-city students the meaning of life.. and Michelle Pfeiffer was only sort of trying to teach hardcore inner-city students the meaning of life. And most importantly, Jami Gertz goes for the tough teacher look in a leather jacket, and Michelle Pfeiffer only wore a leather jacket half of the... Aww, screw it! They're EXACTLY THE SAME! Love the originality folks! Now while we're not treated to a nice score by Coolio, we are seriously treated to a hardcore Xtina Aguilera track. Nothing screams inner-city struggle more than X-Tina.

A nice fun and family-oriented flick!

2005-08-03T21:00:00.000-04:00

Right now, I'm currently watching Cruel Intentions.. in its broadcast premiere on none other than... ABC FAMILY! Muwahahahaha! Dear sweet moses, this is so filthy and so awesome that this movie is airing on the same network that shows the amazing 7th Heaven, and Full House. Let me tell ya, nothing says a true-blue Family Film like Cruel Intentions! I can definitely invision a nice Family Fun Night, complete with pizza, Parchezzi, and perhaps maybe some wacky Chutes and Ladders action.. and good old Mom and Pop set the kiddies down, and they watch some nice SMG coke snorttage action! And hey, maybe good old Sister Sally and Brother Bob can learn that it's okay to grind up on your siblings, as long as you're not related by blood. Why, why, must they broadcast cool-ass movies like this on TV? All of the filthiness is cut out.. and we're left with wacky lines like " You're such a little shi..stinker, Sebastian!" I seriously hope that they keep up with the lovely family films.. maybe perhaps instead of another showing of Pizza My Heart, why not instead, show other family-fun films.. Hell, I think there should definitely be some Slums of Beverly Hills action! I mean, if the kiddies are exposed to Selma Blair and her Ursula Udders.. then they should also learn about how you should never waste a good piece of steak.. That's just my opinion, but what do I know? I'm too filthy for words..

I've got rhythm... I've got exhaustion.. I've got pain in the ass cousins.. who could ask for anything more?

2005-07-30T20:35:00.000-04:00

And yet again, I don't really have anything in particular to talk about, and let me tell you.. that is the bitchiest of the bitch, my friend!

1. Watching the so-called "shocking" ending of this past week's episode of Six Feet Under was genius. Kiddies, don't you ever.. EVER 'f a Quaker whilst your wife is waiting for you at the church. It only leads to conflict, drama, and most importantly... "Numb arm.... NAAAAARM!"
P.S. Watching the lady on the rollerblades bite it and seriously SERIOUSLY eat some glass from that car's dash, was GENIUS.

2. " You wanna hug it out? Let's hug it out, bitch!" is hands-down my favorite saying. Guess this is what happens after watching way too much of the Piven on Entourage. Damn my summer boredom, and the random shows that I watch.

3. Seeing the Wedding Crashers for the second time was awesome! I could seriously SERIOUSLY see that movie again, because it was genius! It's got kookyness, wackiness, Jane Seymour's teets, and my personal favorite.. the scary gay brother Todd. See this movie, people.. if not for the acting of Mr. Vaughn and Owen Wilson's f'd up nose.. then for seeing Todd asking Vince Vaughn to play tummysticks.

4. I need help. I watch the Pauly Shore show on TBS, and I don't mind it. HELP ME.

5. Is it wrong that I scheduled my classes for college so they won't interfere with the Fall TV Schedule? Damnit, I cannot and WILL not miss my shows!

6. Love the Arrested Development marathons that are on FOX on Fridays. Love that show! Buster Bluth is my hero!

7. Love the shitty titles of the ABC family movies of the month.. this one definitely takes the cake. Check out this little gem, my friends.. starring the amazing Shiri Appleby and this random bastard.. and it's about their Italian families standing between their journey to love.. and it's called.. DRUM ROLL please.. Pizza My Heart! God..

8. My cousins just left. I feel tired, I feel exhausted, I feel filthy, and felt like I've been throttled and ridden six ways to Sunday.. Not cool, man.. Not cool.

Lacking a topic is the absolute keenest!

2005-07-26T15:08:00.000-04:00

Squee dee dee DEE... I love my Breakfast Club tee!
Squee dee dot dot DOT.. I'm kickin' it Bender style, and you're not!

I... love.. having nothing to talk about.. and enjoy posting random pictures such as this one..

Oooohh, chiiiilldd... Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn
are gonna have ugly kiddiessss.

Do the humpty hump.. do the harumphty hump!

2005-07-22T15:32:00.000-04:00

So, it's pretty much douching outside.. majorly. I always hate it when Mother Nature is such a gloomy gus.. Harumph! All of this cotton-pickin' rain makes Rachy-E's sinus's act major wacky.. and it ain't cool my friend. I do have to say that I caught TRL today, mostly out of sheer boredom, and because of the fact that I heard that Courteney Cox and Natalie Portman would be on today. Can I just say for the record how hilarious it was to watch Ms. Cox in action? I absolutely love it when E-List stars like that come on the show, and have absolutely no idea how to act or anything. Loved the mention of her little dance with Bruce Springsteen, and the sounds of crickets erupting in the audience, because all of those teenage twats didn't know a thing about it. GENIUS! Loved the questions they seemed to throw at her too.. just to really try and envoke some wackiness, even when they know none will seem to flow.

`` What's the worst thing about having the last name Cox?``
`` What do you think?``

Love uncomfortable moments!!! Woo-hoo! Oh, Courteney.. it's okay that no one will ever go and see your amazing movie " November." No one ever went to see " Ed" with Matt Leblanc so it's no big deal. I seriously hope that TRL keeps up with cranking out these amazing stars.. Hows about we have Sean Penn on the next episode or Harrison Ford? They can shimmy on down the stairs to "Ass Like That" by Enimem.. that doesn't sound uncomfortable at ALL! AHAHAHAHA!

In other news, Natalie Portman was on.. and in all honesty, I can't say anything bad about the Portman, because she honestly kicks so much ass. Majorly rocking the shaved head, she showed a preview for her movie V for Vendetta, and was talking about taking it to Comic Con. Aside from the fact, that I know that nerds everywhere were screaming and spouting huge O's everywhere... THIS MOVIE LOOKS AWESOME! Don't know the actor who stars in it with her, but he looks like some superhero.. sporting a nice Phantom of the Opera look. Normally, the fact that she used the words " fascist government and rebellion", to describe this movie would put me to sleep... but it didn't! It's got everything! It's got action! It's got Natalie Portman being tossed into a cell and having her head shaved, and a bag tossed on her head.. it's SO FILTHY! Mees loves it!

FYI- Please check out the hideousness that is the new Hilary Duff video. The Muff Duff herself is coming down to grace us with her presence next weekend.. and you must see this video.. it's totally horrendous! I love her trying on all of these wacky wigs.. Hey, Hil.. no matter what look you go for, I'm still going to be absolutely BLINDED.. by those amazing choppers!

J...e..rr..i... Bl..a..n..k

2005-07-21T14:47:00.000-04:00

Strangers with Candy is an amazing show, enough said. Watching some episodes on Comedy Central, I absolutely love this show! I mean, I think it's amazing.. that I learned in just two episodes that it's okay to scalp a student.. if they're insulting your Native American heritage. Hands down though, my favorite episode, the one that's on right now, is Jerri's stepdad Stew.. and he's going insane. God, wow.. I can totally relate to that story.. seeing as how my Dad is a grade A... 100% f'ing nutcase! Watching him stapling packaged cheese to the roof made me laugh my ass off! I absolutely <3 Comedy Central, and whilst my Mom believes that the network is filled with nothing but trash, I can honestly say that some of these shows need to be broadcasted in classrooms.. I mean, kids are already filthy.. why not go ahead and expose them to the ways of the world, in a filthy fashion? I mean, instead of having to sit through endless.. boring-ass Drug Prevention seminars.. why not show the lovely episode of Reno 911, where Lieutenant Dangle sings a great song about Crystal Meth? `` Oh, don't mess with Meth.. Seth..`` Or, if you're having to sit through another Sex-Ed class.. why not let Jerri Blank share with you one of her crazy sexual stories? I mean, I think kids would learn a lot.. hearing about her having sex on a radiator with a guy wearing a peg leg, and a Columbian Drug Lord, in the midst of a cock fight? Something to think about, Board of Education.. something to think about..

Ring my liberty bells, baby!

2005-07-18T16:40:00.000-04:00

In addition, to showing the world my big apples, I also showed the world my liberty bells, heading to Philadelphia with Alyssa. We went there for her cousin's wedding, in addition, to also seeing West Side Story at the local theater. Her uncle bought tickets for us, and it actually was a really good show! Not as good as Hairspray, because let's face it.. nothing can beat seeing Bruce Vilanch in drag.. an hiding in a giant hairspray can. This was still a really good show, and man.. those people can definitely dance! Dance and do some mean high kicks! One of the lead dudes.. looked just like Denis Leary from a very far distance.. I was expecting him to put out a fire, and then do a nice CGI freefall from a building. Overall, it was a really cool show! I also went with Alyssa to see the Wedding Crashers. Even though we had a rather traumatic cab experience, were dropped off like BLOCKS from where we needed to be, and confronted by this ravenous black woman desperate for food.. it actually was a pretty fun day! The movie was heeeelarious! Vince Vaughn kicks major ass.. Rachel McAdams was genius as usual.. and definitely struck some serious Canadian Comedy gold in a few of the scenes. And yes, my filthy readers would be very proud of me.. I was extremely filthy at Alyssa's cousin's wedding.. I tried some delicious and wacky finger foods.. and also danced a little bit as well. Yes, it was quite the horrific site seeing a filthy bird like me seriously getting down to a lot of the hits.. but it was hilarious!

Showing the world my Big Apples!

2005-07-18T15:38:00.000-04:00

Yes, I'm back.. yes, this little dirty bird has gotten back to her nest safe and sound from her trip. I've gotta say, on a whole.. I've never really had this much fun in a long time! This trip kicked serious ass, and I was so glad to be able to be invited and included with my friend Alyssa and her family. I was able to be exposed to so much, and definitely took advantage of all of the filthy opportunities put before me. Going to New York, was totally awesome! We went to see Hairspray the Musical, took in an NBC Studios Tour, and also went on a carriage ride around the city during the night. It was totally awesome, and New York was definitely the best place for a filthy person like me to explore! Our hotel was right in the middle of Times Square.. and being able to see all of those billboards.. being able to see Christina and her filthy Applegate's magnified right by our hotel was heeeeelarious! I definitely want to come back there soon, because New York is such a huge city.. Loved being able to go shopping at the different stores.. like the MTV, NBC, and Virgin Megastore.. which was 4 floors high.. I literally had the hugest O when we were in there.. so many DVD's.. so much filth.. LOVED IT.

1. Loved Hairspray. Loved seeing Bruce Vilanch in drag.. Dude's a genius! That was the best show to see.. bought the movie on DVD, and a nice I <3 Link pin.. Aww.. dayum.. Alyssa and I were seriously digging the dude that played him in the performance. Also dying of laughter after seeing Jim J. Bullock on stage = Best thing ever.

2. Eating breakfast at a French restaurant = Qu'est que c'est filthy, and qu'est que c'est bon! Seeing New Yorkers drooling over crepes, was awesome!

3. Seeing the city completely lit up at night was awesome!

4. Seeing where they film SNL was awesome! Loved looking at the cast picture and seeing Horatio "Chk.. Chk.. BOOM!" Sanz... awesome!

Didn't get to see the Naked Cowboy... guess he wasn't out that day.. he might've been grinding up on some filthy VJ at the MTV Studios.

Hope to get pictures developed... they're extremely filthy.. mostly of the New York scenery..

Say yes to BRUCE!!!

Super Qu-WAACKY!

2005-07-12T16:29:00.000-04:00

So, I've been trying to get ready for my trip tomorrow. Yup, that's right, bitches.. I'm going to Philadelphia and New York, and you're not! Muwahahahahahahaha! Okay, I'm through.. finished with the bragging for the moment. In all seriousness though, I'm really looking forward to this! This dirty bird is finally being let out into the wild, and given the chance to fly on her own! Aww Dayum! Get to explore new cities, and be exposed to vast amounts of filthiness that I never knew existed. We're going to be seeing Hairspray and West Side Story, as well as taking an NBC Studios Tour, that I know will rule.. and will kick so much ass that it's not even funny.

I gots mees a nifty disposable digital camera.. ( didn't know those existed.. guess I'm just not as technologically filthy as I once was.) and with this lovely camera, I'll get to capture so much filthiness! Hopefully, I'll get some nice shots of the NBC Studios.. or the Statue of Liberty.. or hell.. even a nice wino that's selling umbrellas will work.

We'll be heading out tomorrow, and will return Sunday.. and truthfully.. I'm quite excited.. I'm as excited as

A. A 40 year old man right smack dab in the middle of a Victoria Secret.
B. A Trenchcoat Ted sitting in the back of the new Hilary Duff film that's about to start.
C. A 48 year old Divorced Dirty Bird who is camped out awaiting the release of the new Diane Lane Dog movie.

" Hey everyone, Diane Lane, here. Rachel was such a sweetheart to mention my upcoming film. I'm very excited about this film, I really believe that it speaks to women everywhere who are looking for love. It's out there girls, and you can find it, believe me. I've found happiness in my marriage to the lovely Josh Brolin. We've had our fair share of problems, such as his anger and his love for spousal abuse, but we're getting past it. In fact, my recent black eye is healing quite nicely and I..
" DIANE! You bitch! What did I say about talking about our marriage? In fact, I think it's about time for some Goonies reinacting.. get the pink bicycle over here right now, you whore!"

Maggoty Movie Madness #2

2005-07-11T14:49:00.000-04:00

Being the silly little goose that I am, I failed to mention the other wonderful films that I viewed whilst I was at Alyssa's house.

1. Diner - This is like one of Alyssa's favorite movies, so I decided to check it out, and to my surprise, it was a very awesome movie! It's so filthy and so incredibly fun! Okay, first off.. it's got the Guttenberg.. nuff said. The Gutt's dancing with strippers, whilst Tim Daly's playing the piano! It's totally awesome! If that doesn't tickle your fancy, it's also got Mickey Rourke in it, and seeing him trying to make a girl grab his crotch in a tub of popcorn was pretty horrifying.. but I still think he's cool.. cause after all.. he's damn Marv from Sin City, yo! Alyssa dug the scene where Kevin Bacon was drunk and hanging out in the manger at the town nativity scene. The Bacon was pretty funny in this.. so you should check that out! Mickey Rourke is the man!

2. Tomcats - Yes, Alyssa owns this movie.. and yes, this movie stars Monsieur Jerry O'Connell.. and Horatio "chk, chk.. BOOM" Sanz.. but I felt that I should check this out. Let's just say that it was wacky in some moments.. and a little bit kooky.. but particularly horrifying in one moment.. I won't say too much.. but.. runaway testicle... box of chocolates.. doctor getting ready to consume one. Needless to say, chocolates won't be reaching my lips in a VERY LONG TIME. Nasty-ass humor, man! I like to be filthy.. but I mean.. damn, man!

3. Rebel Without A Cause - So, Alyssa and I went to the lovely indie theater here, and caught a nice morning showing of this film.. sponsored by the lovely nursing home. The theater was filled with mostly elderly people, and a few adults.. Alyssa and I were probably the only ones under the age of 20, but that's no biggie! I have to say though.. even if we had to watch this film on DVD.. it actually was still pretty cool! I enjoyed watching James Dean acting drunk off of his ass in the police station, and I also enjoyed the weird-ass relationship Sal Mineo shared with him. That dude was a straight up.. hardcore.. NUTCASE in the movie. Shoots puppies in his spare time.. mmk? I enjoy violently squeezing puppies in my spare time.. but that's it! a very VERY strange strange little cat, Mr. Mineo was! I enjoy a nutcase now and then.. I'm used to them.. family's filled to the brim with them. Thumbs up for this movie, very cool!

Maggoty Movie Madness!

2005-07-09T12:07:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I spent the night with my friend Alyssa.. and we saw quite a number of wacky films! We went to the theater and saw Fantastic Four on Friday, and I have to say that it was just an okay movie.. definitely boring in some moments, and cringe-inducing in others. I'm sorry.. I've never enjoyed the fascinating science talk in most of these superhero films! Look, okay.. it may make the backstory on the character so wacky.. but if I want to hear about science, then I'll get filthy with Bill Nye, okay? I'd have to say acting wise.. the only people that I could tolerate in this film were Senoir Michael Chiklis and Chris Evans. I definitely had some AWW-inducing moments when it came to the Thing.. because let's face it.. I know what it's like to have people be shocked and frightened by my vast amount of filthiness when we first meet. Alyssa was definitely digging Chris Evans, and quite frankily, Rachy-E thought he was very entertaining and pretty wacky in this film! Unfortunately, I definitely can't say the same about Jessica Alba. Yanno though, I'm just going to give up on my vicious verbal attacks on Ms. Alba and her horrendous acting abilities, because I know she ain't going anywhere for a while! Trenchcoat Ted wouldn't know what to do if he didn't have Jessica either grinding around, or standing around naked. Love her trying to be a scientist in the film! I love how in movies, when they have whorish actresses.. ie: Tara Reid in Alone in the Dark trying to play scientists.. all they have to do is plop some glasses on their face, and they're immediately GENIUSES. FYI - The ending to this movie was completely lame and weak, according to this filthy bird.. and the dude playing Mr. Fantastic was HORRID. I give this movie out of a possible 4 bird cages: 2 Filthy Ones!

Silly Willy Nilly!

2005-07-07T22:49:00.000-04:00

Okay, so here I was.. watching Jennifer Connelly on Inside the Actors Studio.. and I was completely shocked about several things:

A. She was actually considered to have a prestigious acting career.

B. They get so many C-List actors on this show.

C. They forgot to mention the Connelly in one of my childhood movies that I watched.. hell.. this is her wackiest film to date!

Forget your Academy Award performance in the amazing Russell Crowe vehicle " A Beautiful Nap.".. this was the film that made you Jennifer! It made you and your eyebrows a household name! Why must this film be shunned and not mentioned? Are you embarassed? There's nothing wrong with starring in a film like this.. hell.. Frank Whaley starred in it and look at the huge boost his career got! Hahahaha. Poor, poor, Frank.. he probably still dresses up in his Target Janitor costume from the movie.. and just weeps silently in his mother's basement.

This little dirty bird says.. Jennifer don't forget the little films.. because they made you what you are today.. filthier and not rockin' the Bert eyebrows anymore.

Freaky Friday Fun!

2005-07-07T22:22:00.000-04:00

So, tomorrow I'm going to be spending the night and hanging out with my friend Alyssa. We're going to see Fantastic Four, and catch a Saturday morning showing of Rebel Without A Cause at the little indie theater that we have here. I've never seen any James Dean films before, but I'm filthy enough to be willing to give them a shot. Hopefully we won't have the same experience we did when we saw Weird Science during the midnight movie. Instead of using the film reel like they did with Ferris Bueller.. they just projected a damn DVD on the screen. Quelle shitty! I mean.. damn.. I got to see Mr. Edward Rooney on a film reel.. why couldn't I see Wyatt on one as well? Not cool.. not cool, at all. Although, it was pretty funny seeing the Downey Jr. dancing and acting as wacky as ever.

I have to say that I'm not completely psyched about seeing Fantastic Four.. because it's gotten crappy reviews.. and let's face it.. it's got the thespian and accomplished actress known as Jessica Alba playing the invisible woman. I swear.. if she ever EVER actually acts in a film.. and actually does a good job, these filthy wings will die of shock.

And, ladies and gentlemen.. it's t-minus 6 days and counting until Rachel goes on her New York/Philadelphia trip! Hell yeah, man! These cities aren't going to know what hit em after I'm finished. We're going to see a few shows.. like West Side Story.. and more importantly Hairspray! Can't wait to see Bruce Vilanch in drag! Genius! We're also going to try and go on a tour of NBC studios.. which'll be awesome.. I'm as excited as a 40 year old man in the delicates section of a Hechts!

Maggoty.. Magg...

2005-07-06T23:16:00.000-04:00

Since, I'm lacking.. and don't have one general subject to talk about.. I'm gonna just randomly type crap.. because I'm sooooo maggoty like that.

1. You must go on the Wedding Crashers website. There's a section called Crashing Trailers.. it's literally the most awesome part ever. A friend of mine at school sent me the link, and apparently you can put pictures of people in the trailer.. and f with it.. and seeing her and her cat in it is genius. Please try it.. it's awesome, and so completely filthy.

2. Watching Made on MTV.. I've come to realize that people should really strive to be made to become a dirty bird. Screw the whole " I wanna be made into a ballet dancer.." or " I wanna be made into a rapper.."this is the best route to go. FYI: Watching this Jewish kid striving to be a rapper.. literally the most horrifying and hilarious thing ever.

3. Went to visit my Grandma at the nursing home.. and I swear.. they should seriously bottle up the amazing scent that burns your nostrils as soon as you enter. I would totally market that shit if it was a perfume. You've got a whiff of Baby Powder and a dash of ass.. and a nice pinch of summer's breeze air freshener. Move over Britney Spears.. Curious can kiss my ass.

4. There should seriously be a support group for The Sims 2 University.. That f'ing game is so damn addicting. I can't explain it, I can't explain why.. there's just something so completely cool about being able to screw up people's lives.. and give them a nice house to live in. I highly recommend it.. it's awesome.

5. This just in.. L'il Kim's going to prison! Someone is definitely going to make her their Lady Marmalade Bitch!

Rachy-E's Random-Ass Thoughts 3rd Edition

2005-07-05T14:52:00.000-04:00

1. I love watching celebrities on TRL. Their level of excitement.. is so evident, and so damn hilarious! Poor bastard Chris Evans.. looks like he's getting a lobotamy.

2. Love this 4th season episode of Buffy. Probably the only episode in that season that I can tolerate. Her roommate Kathy.. is probably the filthiest.. dirtiest.. Cher music lover in the world!

3. Chyna Doll is my absolute.. HERO. Loved watching her progression, from pro-wrestler, to 100%.. cerfitied.. medically-guaranteed NUTCASE.

4. The People's Court is awesome.. Judge Marilyn Millian is the shiznit!

5. Love the Fall Out Boy's music video.. just simply.. for the reason that there's a dude in it with antlers.. I kid you not.. Who thinks up genius shit like that? I LOVE IT!

6. The Elizabethtown trailer is awesome. Enough said.

7. Can't wait to see The 70's House on MTV. Those commercials are awesome.

Fourth of July Filthfest - 2005

2005-07-04T15:18:00.000-04:00

Happy 4th of July, you filthpots! Hope you all celebrate the holiday, in the most wackiest of ways! I will be attending a nifty little fireworks festival in the good old Noke with my Mom, and her friends.. most specifically, her friend Ginny. Let me just start right off the bat by saying, that Ginny's probably the filthiest.. dirtiest.. and scuzziest bird I've ever seen! She's around my Mom's age, and she's literally.. the coolest person in the world, next to myself of course. Tink, tink. We're going to be heading down, and listening to some wacky bands, and sitting in our lawnchairs, awaiting the wacky fireworks. I just hope.. HOPE that I'll be able to hear some wacky music, and see some filthy-ass birds swaying to and fro.

Hands down, the bestest thing in the world when you're listening to any concert.. is to just simply watch the people in the crowd. When I went to Dragon-Con a couple of summers ago with ze Big T, we saw the amazing James Marsters ( a.k.a. Spike from Buffy.. a.k.a. Career no longer existant.) and his band Ghost of The Robot perform. Now, let me just start off by saying, that Mr. Marsters has been the first "celebrity" that these filthy-eyes have been introduced to in person. Literally, I had the best time at the concert.. granted, the band blew so many chunks that it's not even funny.. but the best part.. was watching the audience. Right in the midst of his song entitled " David Letterman" ( Dedicated to the "amazing" talk show host. Conan will forever kick Letterman's ass in my book).. I look over in the midst of headbanging, to find this filthy-ass Wicca swaying back and forth slowly to the rough song. FYI: I've never lost so much oxygen in my entire life from laughing so hard.

The moral of the story is, kiddies.. Always remember to rock hard.. rock steady.. and keep your eyes peeled for the filthiest wicca/maccaw possible swaying in the corner.

What This Dirty Bird Learned - Pretty in Pink Edition

2005-07-04T12:51:00.000-04:00

Alright, kiddies. Today's edition of What This Dirty Bird Learned, is dedicated to the amazing.. the wonderful.. the kickass.. filthy film Pretty in Pink. I absolutely love this film.. it's funny.. it's heelarious.. it's funny and heelarious even in the serious moments.. I love it! Here are a few pretty little things that I picked up from this film.

1. When you're feeling down, and the self-confidence is low.. just remember if Tina Turner can do it, you can do it too!

2. When exiting a room, it's always better to be off like a dirty shirt, as opposed to an clean one.

3. If you're a bitch, you must really have a check-up with your doctor.. because your condition could get a lot worse.

What This Dirty Bird Learned - Clueless Edition

2005-07-03T22:50:00.000-04:00

Okay, so first off.. let me just say something. Watching Clueless in its entirety on Bravo just completely confirmed to me how much that movie f'ing rules! I swear to all that is holy, I can quote every single line from that movie.. and that definitely isn't a good thing! Like many of my favorite movies, and trust me.. I have like a million, I feel like there's so much that I learn everytime I watch this movie.

1. When you're a part of the Pizmo Beach Disaster League, anything that you have to donate is important, including athletic equipment.

2. When Jeremy Sisto is speaking to you, you must.. MUST.. remember to Turn Away.. Turn Awaaaaay.

3. Insulting your housekeeper's heritage, and angering Paul Rudd will only end up harming your driving in the end.

4. It's always important when you're trying to fix up your teacher, to stop for some nourishment in the teacher's lounge.

What This Dirty Bird Learned - Empire Records Edition

2005-07-03T12:47:00.000-04:00

Keeping with tradition, and seeing as how I have a lot of creativity that needs to be dealt with, I'm bringing you another edition of What This Dirty Bird Learned. This post is devoted to another one of my favorite movies.. the amazing.. the cinematic achievement known as Empire Records. I've seen this movie countless times... so many times.. that it's actually quite sad. This film makes me laugh, it makes me cry.. it makes me cry usually out of laughter. Let me share with you the pearls of wisdom that I've learned from this film.

1. When you're dining out with a friend, and happen to remove an undergarment, and leave angrily..remember.. you forgot your thingy!

2. If you're feeling down.. and life isn't treating you right.. the thing that can cure you is a good
old fashioned Sugar High!

3. It's never okay to end one's life.. no matter how appealing the weapon of choice might be.

Rachel's Random-Ass Thoughts 2nd Edition

2005-07-02T19:31:00.000-04:00

Once again, here's another filthy-ass edition of Rachel's Random-Ass Thoughts.

1. Watching a marathon of Grace Under Fire on Oxygen = Thing that brings me the most shame.

2. War of the Worlds was actually a really good movie. As much as this pains me to say, Tom Cruise was actually rather good in it.. and not the filthy f'ing nut that I've seen so much of lately.

3. Sitting next to a filthy-ass maccaw and her husband and watching her thrash and scream during the scenes in War of the Worlds = Best Thing EVER.

4. I wanna be a member of Team Zissou, damnit! Swamp leeches are the shiznit!

5. They really need to have Pretty in Pink t-shirts on 80stees.com.

6. Who rocks the party, that rocks the party? Coldplay at the Live 8 concert, biotch!

7. Gary Busey is going to be on Celebrity Fit Club 2! -applauds.- Busey's a god above all god's.. I bow before him!

8. Can't wait to go on my New York trip with my friend Alyssa. I can't wait to show the world my big apples!

9. Typing from my own laptop is pretty badass!

10. Carson Kressley is ever the silly goose! He's soooo wacky!

Rachel's Random-ass Rambling

2005-06-30T17:07:00.000-04:00

1. Watching Jeremy Sisto acting like an absolute f'ing nut on Six Feet Under is heeeelarious! I can't help it that I watch Six Feet Under. Summer's here, and all of my other filthy-ass shows aren't on at the moment. Last night, I caught a repeat of the show.. and let me just say.. Jeremy Sisto and Julie Brown on the same show = PURE AWESOMENESS.

2. The new Gwen Stefani video is so g-damn cool! Saw the "World Premiere" of it on TRL today, and it was great! It's for her new single.. "Cool." Most music video concepts are pretty shitty and horrid... ie- Jessica Simpson/These Boots Are Made for Walkin'. This was great, and if you haven't checked it out, you should! Gwen rockin' it as a brunette should be reason enough!

3. Stella is probably the weirdest and most random show on Comedy Central.. but it's actually pretty cool! I watched it last night, and maybe it was because I was so tired, but I actually thought it was quite odd. If nothing else, watching Michael Ian Black performing open heart surgery on his landlord with a butter knife made me laugh. -shrug.- I'm just filthy like that, I guess.

4. Having a giggle-fit is the bestest.. especially when you're watching Teen Wolf 2, much like myself. Don't know why I was watching it, but seeing the Bateman hanging out with Francis from Pee Wee's Big Adventure was awesome!

Stay tuned for more random-ass ramblings.. because trust me.. this filthy bird's got 'em coming..

Pure College Filth!

2005-06-30T16:52:00.000-04:00

Got back yesterday from the Orientation and Registration crap at my college. Let's just say, that this filthy-ass bird was ready to head home. It was definitely overwhelming, with everything that I had to do. Had to register for classes, take my lovely photo, take a foreign language placement test to see which class I belong in. FYI: It's pretty crappy that I have to continue taking French again. I thought you just needed a foreign language to get into college.. didn't know you had to take another one in college. GEEZ. Well, I got everything finished, and now I just have to worry about the moving in part, which'll be in August.

Didn't sing any filthy-ass Karaoke tunes. They had this wacky-ass little luau set up outside, but Mother Nature was PMSing.. and thunder was starting, and it just began to douche a little bit.. so they had to move the festivities inside. I know, I know.. this filthy-ass little bird didn't attend the fun.. I was just so incredibly tired that I didn't go to the Karaoke Wackiness. I just hummed a little ditty to myself when I went back to the room, so that was enough for me.

I guess the whole reality about actually attending this school finally hit me while I was there. I've always been talking smack about how I'm ready to leave home, and about how I'm really not going to miss my Mom that much.. but truth of the matter is.. I know I'll be clinging to her wings like the filthy little maccaw I am.. come moving day.

Well, I do have to say this though.. Movie Nights at Longwood are going to be the shiznit. They show movies that have just left theaters, and haven't come out on video yet. So, I know.. that once school starts, they're showing Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Batman Begins, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Longest Yard, and some other hits. They're supposedly going to put up this huge screen outside, and we can sit in the grass and watch the movies. Pretty gosh darn cool, if you ask me!

Well, one thing's for sure.. now that I'm having to take French in college.. you can bet the posts will be c'est magnifique, and c'est tres filthy!

Turn away..... Turn Awaaaaaay... Turn away..

2005-06-26T21:42:00.000-04:00

So, basically, I'm going to be away from my filthy nest for a couple of days. Mom and I are heading out tomorrow to go to the lovely New Student Orientation and Registration program at Longwood. We're making a pit stop in Richmond, to pick up my graduation gift that my cousin and his wife bought for me. I can't wait to pick up this lovely present! This item makes me as giddy as an f'ing schoolgirl! They got me a kickass laptop, and I seriously can't wait to see it! I need one for college, and I can't wait to break this puppy open, and start drooling over it immediately! Can't wait to finally have my own computer.. and decorate it with the filthiest wallpaper possible! Now, I can finally be able to crank out the wacky wallpaper I want, without any groans or weird looks from ze Mom. Maybe something with a kitten hanging on a branch.. and it saying " Hang in there!" On a filthy sidenote, I remember seeing at Michaels a while ago.. some filthy poster or card of some nature with this saying.. and I just think it f'ing rules! It's just so wacky, and completely filthy!

For the whole Orientation program, the students and parents pretty much stay separated. I'm with my own orientation group, and Mom's with her own filthy parent group. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm also pretty damn apprehensive. Being so quiet, and cursed with my Dad's Falligant anti-social gene.. it doesn't make me want to jump up and down with joy. Hopefully, I'll be able to meet some people who can respect my filthiness.. and share in it as well! We have to spend the night.. so I'll be sharing a room with some of my fellow filthy students, and my Mom will have her own room..... LUUUCKY!

I'll be attending wacky informational meetings.. and will get to participate in filthy fun.. including Music, Dancing, Bowling, and... drumroll please.... KARAOKE!! It's going to be fun.. but pretty regimented and organized fun! I will be sure and report on the filthiness later! I only hope, that they'll be playing some wacky music.. because otherwise.. this filthy bird won't be singing! If.. and only if.. I hear some Daphne Aguilera.. then.. I'll be on that stage as fast as you can say..
" Naughty Baby did a no-no... won't you spank me like my Dad?"

On a side note, they must.. MUST release the Andy Dick Show on DVD. God, that show was so f'ing awesome when it was on MTV.. it NEEDS to come out! Daphne Aguilera was the shiznit!

Peace out, you filthpots! Hopefully.. when I return.. I will be typing to you.. straight from my tricked-out laptop! Can't wait! I can smell the wireless.. fast as shit.. internet connection! No more dial-up for Rachy-E! Not that I had a problem with it.. but it's going to be the shiznit!

Dirty Bird Watch... 2005 - Shoe Edition

2005-06-25T22:23:00.000-04:00

Yes, Summer's here, kiddies.. and with this lovely, hot as balls season, I found myself in the mood to do some edjamucating. Now, you might frequent this blog and think to yourselves: " Wow, that Rachel.. she's wacky.. this is the funniest blog ever.. but hold the phone.. what does it take to truly be considered a dirty bird? How would I be able to identify one, if I was in the midst of a flock of them? " Well, I'm here.. to answer all of your questions, and help you to be able to either pull out the binoculars and do some serious bird watching.. or make sure you don't fall into this category yourself. We will go over every aspect of this species, from the fashion, to the typical hairstyle, to favorite music, movies, celebrity crushes, etc.

SHOES::
Yes, Dirty Birds enjoy rockin' the Keds. They typically wear these shoes, mostly for the comfort factor, and the cheetah-like running they can do in them. ( ex: running for their lives in a deeply wooded area, or trying to grab the last copy of Pretty Pricey: World's Most Expensive Porcelain Dolls at the nearest Barnes and Noble.) So, be on the lookout for these shoes in any bookstore, library, video store, or your local Joanne's Fabrics. The typical and only shoe color is white I'm sorry to say, folks. Dirty Birds typically wear white, mostly for the purity aspect of the color.. they hope to camoflauge their filthiness.. but they instead just project it even more.

Ling, Ling.. you forgot yo' BLING, BLING!

2005-06-24T15:16:00.000-04:00

So, basically, today's been just a regular filthy kind of day. I've been feeling a little bit "down in the mouth," according to my favorite friend Ralph Sterner. I'd just like to say for the record, that allergies are a bitch.. They're not just any ordinary bitch..borrowing a line from filthy-ass Donatella Versachi.. " If (allergies) were a popular catfood, then they'd be FANCY BEETCH!" Having bad sinus headaches aren't cool, especially when I have to ditch my contacts, and put on my FILTHY-ASS glasses..
Caught Mr. T.C. on ze David Letterman show last night. I will say it once, and I shall say it again. Oh, dear sweet, Tom.. just do a favor for good ole' Rachy-E. Quit the charade with Katie, because we know that's not what you want. Just go back to what you do best, Mr. Cruise. I saw pictures from your past on Conversations About Famous People.. I saw the twinkle in your eye, when you were striking a pose in your model pics. I think it's time, to once again, slip on the sneeks, tip the hat down a little bit further, then do a nice scissors kick.. just for me.. C'mon Mr. Risky Business.. I think it's time to go back to what you know best. Oh, and Tom.. the laugh... VERY SCARY, my friend.. very scary.. time to lose the laugh. You might want to try and go for a more girlier giggle, instead of the Scientology Shriek that you've come to use so well. Oh, and this just in, Tom.. I heard something rather disturbing from Travy-T.. I heard that you snapped at Mr. Matt Lauer on the Today Show. Now.. c'mon.. that's not the Tommy that I know.. No one likes a Gloomy Gus, and no one likes a Tempermental Tommy. So, relax, dude.. people are going to see War of the Worlds. I mean, granted, it could look like horrible crap.. but people are wanting to go.. to see you.. to bask in your weirdness.. to reminisce on how you used to not be such a g-damn nutcase.. if such a time ever existed.

Well, it's time for the fun to end.. it's time for the post to close.. hopefully like a filthy-ass whore's legs. Will be getting ready to head to my dermatologist, for what hopes to be the final appointment. Hopefully she won't find anything too filthy, this time! Swear to the gods of filth.. this lady looks and acts just like Ellen DeGeneres, I'm not even kidding. Then, I'll be heading to the movies with my friend, Alyssa.. I've already gotten flack for this from Travy-T.. but yes.. we are going to see Bewitched. I'm not going to take the time to justify my reasoning for seeing this.. I'm just filthy like that.

Gas..... CHAMBER!

2005-06-22T20:42:00.000-04:00

So, my friend Alyssa spent the night last night, and we had a really good time! Watched a lot of movies, and also caught the premiere episode of Real World : Austin. Yeah, I know.. I know.. I still watch this g-damn show, mostly for the sole purpose of mocking, and Alyssa enjoyed checking out all of the so-called " hotties." So, I was having a conversation with Alyssa, and I seriously feel like they need to mix it up a little bit.. change around the so-called "7 strangers." Why not, throw in a pregnant roommate, huh? There's nothing wrong with showing America, the effects of being featured on a filthy-ass reality show on a developing fetus. Hey, I'd enjoy being educated like that! I mean, I've already been educated today after watching the horrifyingly awful new Britney Spears music video that debuted on MTV. What has happened to music, people? I mean, I'm definitely not a qualified expert.. but dear sweet moses, Ms. Spears. If you're in need for a good laugh, find any means possible to check out this video. While, being on this educating kick, I finally opened Alyssa's eyes up.. to the amazing film " Serial Mom." After renting this last night, we checked it out, and while Alyssa thought Ms. Turner was absolutely insane, I felt like I had bettered myself as a person after watching it again. I just learn so much from this film
.

1. No matter how happy, or elated you may be.. don't ever.. EVER fall into the trap of using the
"brown word", to express your emotion.

2. Always remember to rewind your video tapes.. doesn't matter if you love Bill Cosby pictures, that won't save you from meeting the business end of a leg of meat.

And.. Number 3, which is the most important, and the most sacred:

Wear your seatbelt, it's the law!!

Absolutely love that movie.. I think we all can learn something from John Waters films! Stay tuned, fellow filthpots.. I shall return soon with more helpful hints!

Back it up, Back it up... YOU GOT IT.

2005-06-21T10:57:00.000-04:00

Today's going to be the filthiest of days, because my best friend, and fellow filthy bird, Alyssa is coming over to spend the night. Hell yeah, man.. we're gonna tear this tiny-ass apartment up, with our wacky antics! Or, we'll just probably watch a hell of a lot of movies, and sit around laughing at them. Maybe, I'll expose her to some of my more filthier films.. I think it's time that she be introduced to the lovely, Mr. H. Stern. We'll also probably be heading over to visit my Grandma, the filthiest and most dramatic person I know, at the local Nursing Home. I swear, to all that is holy, I absolutely love my Grandma, but she acts completely bi-polar each day we see her. I always enjoy bringing Alyssa over there, because my Grandma can never seem to get her name right. `` Rachel.. aww.. I'm so glad, to meet your friend, MELISSA..`` `` It's ALYSSA, Grandma..`` `` That's what I said!`` I absolutely love my Grandma, but she's a total and complete mess! If I follow the pattern correctly, I believe that today will be her happy day, seeing as how Sunday was her Depressed day, and Saturday was her happy day. It's always hilarious to go and see her, and I loved showing her my graduation pictures this past Sunday.
`` Aww.. aren't these pictures, nice? And, look.. there's one of the apartment..``
-stops for a moment to clutch the picture to her chest.-
`` There's the apartment.. where I'll NEVER be able to set foot in...... AGAIN.`` I can definitely understand where she's coming from, but this lady totally knows how to time and play the dramatic moments perfectly.

Well, I guess I'll cut this post short.. Hope you all have filthy-ass days today! And, Jenn.. if what my filthy eyes are telling me is true.. I wanna tell you congratulations on your engagement! I wish you guys nothing but completely FILTHY wishes! :]

Wet & Wild Celebrities!

2005-06-20T14:35:00.000-04:00

Let me just start off this post by randomly saying how hilarious I thought the new chapter in the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes saga is. Apparently, today, while I was on one of my many filthy websites, I came across a nice story, about Mr. Cruise being the victim of a terrible prank. Apparently, him, and his beard.. I mean, fiancee, were attending the England premiere of War of the Worlds, and whilst T.C. was in the press line, he walked up to a "interviewer", and was greeted by a nice doucheing of water from a microphone. Apparently, Mr. Tommy Cruise was victim to a wacky British practical joke show. Tom was infuriated, not for the humiliation in front of his fans, but for the fact it had been so long since a male had made him wet..if you know what I mean, and I think you do! Tom's FILTHY-ass sister/publicist is saying how he's seeking legal action.. MUWAHAHAHA. Okay, I'm finished on that front.. apparently, they're saying that video of this lovely incident is available online, and I'm seriously dying to see it! I'm sure they'll show it on E!, or my absolute favorite show, Best Week Ever. Nevertheless, I'm looking forward to seeing that shit. Now, I know I'll get flack for this, but watching TRL this afternoon, I caught a bit of the lovely.. and horribly shitty new Lindsay Lohan music video for Herbie: Fully Loaded! God, it's almost so shitty, that it's awesome! She is such a terrible singer.. she's completely filthy.. she looks like she bathes in motor oil.. yet, I still think she's cool! I don't get it! I absolutely love these music videos nowadays.. they're so awesome! Most of the time, the concept has absolutely nothing to do with the song! Like, for example.. the lovely new Jessica Simpson Dukes of Hazzard video. Don't really know what dry-humping the General Lee, and washing it with your teets has to do with " These Boots are Made for Walking." mademoiselle Nancy Sinatra, I'm SORRY.. that your song had to be desecrated like this.. Don't blame a filthy bird, like me. I also heard about the lovely new Britney Spears music video that premiered on the final episode of her shitty show with Kevin Federline. I haven't watched that show in a long time, but apparently, after looking at lovely Television Without Pity, Ms. Spears has written a lovely song about pregnancy.. the video is being compared to a crack-induced version of one of Amy Grant's videos. Don't know if that's true, but I can't wait to check that out. Well, I guess I'm going to wrap this post up.. can't think of a wacky closing.. so I'm just going to go the kooky route and say..in the words of the amazing Duckie Dale.. " I'm off like a dirty shirt!"

I ain't ever seen a post... like.. THAT.

2005-06-18T22:17:00.000-04:00

Okay, after doing my part to educate my readers, I've decided to return to what I do best.. making some filthy-ass posts. Well, today was a nice Rachy-E/Cathy-A.. mom and daughter day. Spent the day going shopping, and heading to the local movie theater, to see the lovely Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Now, I know I'm probably going to get a lot of flack for choosing this movie, but I felt like I needed to see something with my Mom. College is starting to near, and I want to spend as much time with her as possible, before her eyes start falling into the glazed ham territory. Actually, the movie wasn't all that bad, I'm sorry to say. I've been a filthy little bird, and have read some of the books in the series. The movie stayed true to the series.. I've gotta say that I especially dug the lovely cameos by the amazing Nancy Travis, and the kick-ass Bradley Whitford. Now, those of you, obviously know Bradley from the amazing.. the entertaining.. the.. just thinking about it makes me take a nap.. West Wing. Ms. Travis, has been away from the lovely spotlight, after her amazing starring roles in the Three Men and A Baby franchise, and the LOVELY So, I Married an Axe Murderer. And while I'm on the amazing actor kick, my Mom is currently watching an amazing Hallmark movie Fielder's Choice, starring the incomparable Chad Lowe. God, whatta poor bastard. You know that you've hit rock bottom when you have to star in Hallmark movies, and are in an amazing tv program called Celebrity Charades. Unfortunately, I don't know a lot about this lovely series.. but I do know that this is something the Chad, and his lovely wife, The Swank produced. Actually, as horrifying as this is, I'm actually happy about one thing... It's good that Hilary finally released Chad's nuts from the vice that she normally has them in, so he could making a few new career moves, instead of just sitting back and being Swank's weepy bitch.

Got my lovely Entertainment Weekly in the mail.. a nice... FILTHY-ASS double issue, with Ms. I've Got Two Different Colored eyes, and it's rather scary, Bosworth.. and the unknown bastard who's name escapes me, that's playing Superman. There wasn't anything too exciting in this issue, it just dealt with people and things to watch out for this summer. I enjoyed reading the lovely " The Perfect Man" movie review, and grinning at the F that the movie received. That movie is going to last as long as a sneeze in the theater, and it'll be gone.. As gone, as lovely High Tension is, Travy-T.. HAHAHAHA. God, that movie is hanging on by a very thin-ass French thread. Can't believe that Batman Begins got a damn A.. I'm sorry, but I really didn't think that movie was all that amazing. Christian Bale.. no need to change your voice so dramatically when you toss on the Batsuit, man..

Before: " ...Ra..schel.. is... dat you? "

Batsuit Jive: " ROAR! I'M BATMAN! I FEEL THE NEED TO RAISE MY VOICE, AND PRETEND LIKE IF I SCREAM LOUD ENOUGH, YOU'LL FORGET THAT I NORMALLY TALK SHITTY!"

Oh, well.. it was still a nice time at the movies. Always enjoy admiring the Thespian that is Mr. Liam Neeson. Hey, Liam.. next time you're in a subway train that's falling on the tracks, you might want to look a little surprised... or maybe a little bit terrified, but hey, maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. Idiot was just sitting there, completely stone-faced, as the CGI-car did a perfect backflip off of the tracks. Probably mapping out the concept to "Kinsey 2 - How to Achieve the Perfect O" in his head.

Please.. PLEASE check out Reno 911 if you haven't already on Comedy Central! The 3rd season has just started this past week, and it's positively AWESOME! Lieutenant Dangle's auditioning for American Idol, and Weigel has her own bed and breakfast at home.. and it's GENIUS! So, please check this out.. just do it for me.. Rachy-E.. I'll be your filthiest friend, if you do!

Bear Den

2005-06-15T18:03:00.000-04:00

For the past couple of weeks, I've been cyber-stalked and harassed, by a large, filthy, entity known as ze "Big Cheezy". I won't stoop to retaliating, and using filthy words, and act mean, because let's face it, I'm beyond that. I'm a good, pure, little girl. What I hope to achieve in this post, is to educate my readers on the dangers of getting to know filthy entities like ze "Big Cheezy".
Here's a man, ladies and gentlemen, who enjoys the pleasures of felching, splooshing, and enjoys a nice plate job. Men such as these are usually found at truck stops, public restrooms writing on the walls, or in the Women's Delicates section of a local Hecht's.
Beware of the Teddy Bear exterior, folks. Lying underneath those coveralls, is a fierce, Grizzly Adams, polar bear just waiting to strike. They're usually occupying professions such as truck driver, mechanic, cable guy, plumber, and/or construction workers. Their modes of transportation are generally pickup trucks, and the occasional unmarked vans. ( Usually adorned with the airbrushed imagery of a pack of wolves, eagles clutching the American flag, and/or semi-nude women posing on dragons with semi-large swords.
DO NOT be hypnotized by their musical selections blaring from their speakers, either in their place of residence, or mode of transportation. Such music to avoid: Garth Brooks, Kenny Chesney, and/or arena rock.

Please heed my warning, faithful readers.... Wegat, EAT IT.

Mumblings from a Medical Maggot!

2005-06-13T21:44:00.000-04:00

I'm not going to follow the normal route, because let's face it, Rachy-E's far from normal. I'm not going to devote this entire post to the human alien that is Michael Jackson. I watched the verdict crap on MTV, and I really wasn't all that surprised that he got off, because let's face it, Michael always gets off. If you know what I mean, and I think ya do. Ta-dink, dink. I'm sorry, I had to make a filthy joke, it's just part of my nature.

Nothing all that filthy occured today, but things will definitely hit a new level of filthiness because I have to go to the doctor for a lovely physical. Apparently, I haven't gotten all of my shots like a good little maggot, before I go away to college. So tomorrow, I have to get up bright and early and head down so the lovely nurse practitioner can give me a nice physical. God, It'll be me and a nice lovely burly nurse lady, and I also get to provide a lovely urine sample as well. Nothing says Tuesday more, than being poked with a needle and having to piss in a cup. I absolutely hate having to go to any type of doctor.

As sad as this may be, the only salvage in my day is knowing that I'll get to purchase the lovely 2nd season of Reno 911! Going to Best Buy with Travy-T, and whilst he's purchasing A Dirty Shame, I'm all over Lieutenant Dangle.

Hands down though, best thing about today for lovely Rachy-E was being able to go walking on my high school track with Travis, and witnessing some of the scary-ass locals we have here in the 'Noke. More specifically, a backpack-toting, bitchin' gold jogging shorts, young man.. who vanished rather quickly into the air, after eyeing some filthy-ass schickzas who were on the track. LOVES IT! Hey, I know I'm probably giving this guy a hard time.. he's probably a very nice guy.. who enjoys hanging out.. listening to a little music, preferrably Coldplay, while he's chasing 40 year old women through wooded areas, whilst branding a nice chainsaw. Hey, it can happen.. and it does happen, my friends.

>

J'aime ze silly French!

2005-06-12T21:57:00.000-04:00

Gotta say, the film High Tension is completely awful, yet, unintentionally funny. Went to see this filthy-ass French film with Travy-T and my Mom today. Here's how I knew this was going to be an amazing movie. A. We were in the theater right beside the exit, and 2. We were the only ones in the theater, the 2nd day it was out. Granted, it's not very holy of me to go to see a filthy film like this on a Sunday, but I was shocked that there wasn't at least the usual lone guy in a trench coat towards the back. C'mon, Trenchcoat Ted.. where were ya, when I needed ya, today? I absolutely love how this film completely flip-flopped between English subtitles, to shitty English dubbing. If nothing else, please go and see this film to hear what I believe is the lovely Clea Duvall doing the dubbing for the lead blonde. Clea Duvall is without a doubt, one of the filthiest birds I've ever seen.. Love her work in the Invisible Girl episode of Buffy, and absolutely loved her portrayal of a student/artist/drunken clown in She's All That. Here are a few things that I learned after having to suffer.. I mean, sit through High Tension.

1. Reggae Music is without a doubt, the best music to listen to when you're masturbating on a bed in your French friend's house.

2. French girls love to act wacky, and frolick through corn fields.

3. Little French boys who dress up like cowboys, are destined to eat the business end of a nice qu'est que c'est shotgun!

4. Lion Gates Films are je suis.. BON!

5. From the words of a great philosopher, Mr. H. Stern.. " Let me tell you something.." always fall in love with your blonde, rough as sandpaper, Anne Heche look-alike best friend.. other wise, she's got a chainsaw with your name all over it.

In other news, I just watched the full trailer for Red Eye online. If you haven't seen it yet, it's got the "filthy as a Canadian maple leaf," Rachel McAdams, and the scary unknown dude from Batman Begins. There have been some shitty reviews for it online, but I still think it's going to be a filthy, fun time.

And, as we're currently watching another episode of the Comeback, I can only say one thing. Lisa Kudrow, wherefore art thou? Wherefore art thou comedy? Geez, man.. And here I thought, David Schwimmer would be the first one whose career would vanish, and we would say au revoir to Mr. Ross Geller. Geez..

Musings from a Graduated Maggot!

2005-06-10T20:51:00.000-04:00

Yes, that's right, kiddies.. Rachy-E has offically graduated from High School! Today was the day, and thank god it's finished. It's about damn time, and it's sooo nice that I'm finally finished! Our graduation ceremony was like at 11:30, so I had to be up and ready to go.. pretty damn early. Je suis "yawn"! A lot of the family came, and of course, with that, came the usual family crap. Dad made a nice, and EXTREMELY dramatic appearance, along with my grandparents. Got a nice present from him, my Dad's half-sister, and from my Dad's "Special Friend." Now, it's time in the program, kiddies.. where I explain to you the usage of this term. It's typically used, when the person is too big of a damn wuss to just flat out admit that he has a new girlfriend. C'mon Bob.. we've known for like 6 months.. I think the pictures of you two, and the "Nutrition Bars for Her", were kind of a dead giveaway. Jesus! Anywho, I'm going to push aside from that usual crap.. just be glad that you guys don't have a nutball of a Dad like that! Do, Rachy-E a favor.. and when you have a chance.. just grab a family member nearby, and give them a wacky little snuggly wuggly bear hug! Thank your lucky stars you don't have to deal with this crap in your family. Hmm, this does make me think a little bit. Perhaps, PERHAPS, I could dabble in a little Drama and English as my majors for college. The Falligants could have a nice career in the theatrics. Okay, I'm finished with my Thora Birch/Natasha Lyonne filthy family rant for a second.. and onto better topics. My friend Alyssa also came, and I had a blast with her! We're going to catch the oh-so wonderful Mr. and Mrs. Smith in the cineplex tomorrow.. and I friggin' can't wait! Better be awesome, that's all I have to say! Caught the MTV Movie Awards last night, and they actually weren't that horrifying.. Travy-T absolutely loathes Jimmy Fallon, but I actually thought the show itself wasn't too bad. Here's the time in the program, where I list some awesome things I noticed in the show:

1. The Yellowcard ode to the Breakfast Club. - VERY NICE, VERY NICE! Loved the performance, fellas! And loved the movie clips that played! It twas very cool that a lot of the cast attended, except Sir. Emilio E. and Sir. Judd Nelson. C'mon guys, it's not like you have a damn career! God, Judd Nelson's probably sitting at home mapping out the concept to St. Elmo's Fire 2- C'mon Baby, Light My Fire.

2. Rachel McAdams - Very very cool that she won so many awards! It's nice to know that a Canadian Actress can be that cool, and that filthy all at once! Didn't know you had it in you, Canada! Very nice!

3. The Lohan - Absolutely loved her filthy/crack induced acceptance speeches. Loved her hogging the mike.. JUST LOVE the all-around filthiness!

4. Tom Cruise, nuff said. - Tribute was absolutely embarassing.. Katie Holmes was absolutely embarassing.. but I still loved it. I absolutely LOVE watching Ms. Josephine Potter/Jerry Maguire's careers wasting away..

Well, I think I'm going to close this post, I'm mucho sleepio, people.. It takes a lot out of this filthy bird.. having to get dolled up, and posing for sooooo many publicity stills, today. It's tough when you're filthy and loved, just like this lady:

>

Buh-BUBBLE butt... B...UU..H..bubble butt!

2005-06-08T15:49:00.000-04:00

So, let me just start off by saying how much the show Fat Actress rules! We rented it yesterday, and honestly, Kirstie Alley kicks so much ass! I absolutely love this f'ing show.. it's sooo awesome! Couldn't help myself, so I had to purchase this on DVD.. just had to! I've been watching it again, and it's so awesome! I hope that they seriously do more episodes of this show, it's absolutely F'ing AWESOME! I especially love.. LOVE the strutting Ms. Alley does in the first episode when she visits the NBC studios for a meeting, and I get to hear an amazing random voice singing, " Bubble Butt.. She's so FAT!" If you haven't seen this show yet, I'm going to do a filthy recommendation and ask that you head down to your local video store, and rent this mofo as soon as possible! In other news, nothing extremely filthy's going on here. The countdown to graduation is T-Minus 2 days... so I'm just trying to rest and gear up for that.. because I know it's going to be a busy-ass day. So, right now, I'm just trying to rest up.. gotta preserve the filthiness, yanno? Travy-T and I caught a little of the trainwreck also known as Regis and Kelly this morning. God, I absolutely LOVE this show! You can totally cut the tension with a knife, it's AWESOME! Almost had to slip on my sweater made out of human flesh, because that studio was COLD AS ICE, biotch! God, in the words of my lovely father,
" Regis is a turd.. plain and simple." God, he is just such a waste of human space.. you can totally see Kelly Ripa just sitting back, and slowly plotting how quickly he'll be off the show.. and him actually still thinking he has pull on the show. It's GREAT! One more random thought before I go.. I really think the new Coldplay CD is so cool! Their video is actually pretty wacky.. and I'm seriously digging the airplane motions that Chris Martin's making.. he really breaks out the dance moves, hardcore style!

Bonjour, Mr. Shoop!

2005-06-07T15:18:00.000-04:00

Today 's been rather wacky, I must say! Made a nice little trip to Circuit City with Travy-T, and watched him purchase the cinematic piece of excrement that is Seed of Chucky. And right at this very second, I get to witness this train wreck right on my tv set as I type to you. I do have to admit though, that I love the DVD menu.. in fact, my favorite part is where Chucky, Tiffany, and Glen review their family vacation slideshow. It's pretty sweet, and wacky if you ask me! Nothing says heaven like seeing the happy family in San Franciso, and looking at a horrible photo-shopped pair of legs sticking out underneath a trolley car. And yes, before you ask, the film is offered in French! Hells yeah! " Vous avez smell it.. en femmes who sell it" I'm a little rusty in the French department, but I think that's the just of it. We also finally exercised my free rental coupon that I got.. and rented the first two discs of Fat Actress. Can't.. CAN'T wait to see that! The filthy and I do mean.. FILTHY ass thing with a do-rag behind the counter, recommended it.. so I know I'm in good hands. I've always admired Ms. Alley... ALWAYS! In fact, I was excited to see her again in Summer School, kickin' it with Mr. Shoop and Wondermutt! I'll have to give a diagnosis on the show later, but I know it'll be completely filthy and unintentionally hilarious in some parts.. so it'll be my cup of tea, completely!

Je suis waaahhh!

2005-06-06T20:52:00.000-04:00

Well, today marked finally the first day of freedom for Rachy-E. Basically spent it, just hanging out, getting woken up at the ass-crack of dawn by my Grandmother, and having to fix her hearing aids. So, Travy-T and I both climbed out of our respective filthy nests, and headed down, completely disheveled, and both smelling of cheese. We got the job done, and basically spent the rest of the day running boring errands. I had to get my immunization records ready for school, and had to make sure, I got all of my filthy-ass shots, before they could admit me to school. Turns out... I didn't get my menigitis shot! Quelle horror! DAMNIT, man! So, now.. looks like Rachy-E has to get a shot! I absolutely loathe shots! So, I'm going to have to try and make an appointment with our wacky doctor.. Dr. Kunkle! If I can't have my time with that F, I have to head down to the health center! Pure wackiness, I know! Motor oil will be seeping out of my eyelids, instead of the usual tears. In other wacky news, I bought the Special Edition of Coyote Ugly on DVD. Can't help it, I love the movie, and was drawn to the wacky-ass brick wall DVD cover. The Perabo was completely filthy in this movie, and I absolutely love the random-ass cameo by Mr. Johnny Knoxville. I'll be heading out to Best Buy tomorrow with Travy-T, so he can purchase the amazing.. the terrific.. the Academy Award winning film.. Seed of Chucky. Dear sweet lord, and all that is holy. Had to unfortunately sit through that lovely film when Travis was up to visit. You know that the movie is doing amazingly, when the theater is located smack dab next to the shitter in the theater. I do have to say though, the amazing scene with Kung-Fu in it, was probably my favorite! Who knew that Chucky and Glen had it in them! YES! This DVD is going to be packed with extras, including a lovely commentary by Jennifer and her Tilly's. God, that woman is absolutely the epitome of FILTH! I have admired this woman and her filthy ass acting ever since I first saw her in House Arrest! Never saw her eating Gina Gershon's face and checking to see if the carpet matched the drapes in Bound. I will be checking out some of the filthy DVD titles, and possibly figure out if I need anything else to complete my collection. 2nd season of Reno 911 is coming out next week, and I will absolutely be all over that shit. HELLS YEAH, man! Lieutenant Dangle is my bitch!

Squee Dee Dee Bop Bop Bop.

2005-06-05T18:33:00.000-04:00

Nothing that incredibly filthy happened today. Went with Travy-T and ze Mom, to the mall, to return some stuff, and for Mom to get some clothes, and a new outfit to wear to my graduation. Hells yeah, boys and girls! Rachy-E's graduation is this Friday! It' s about dayum time! I'm so excited about being able to kick it in all white, and tarnish it immediately with my filthiness. Speaking of filthy, and completely insane, some of the family's going to be heading up. My Mom, brothers, my wonderful/clinically insane dad, my grandma, and her husband Ben will be there.. I don't like to refer to him, as Ben, or grandpa.. I simply enjoy calling him " Cowboy Ben!" Hey, the guy's a cowboy.. he enjoys wearing his cowboy tassles.. nothing wrong with that in my book. My aunt, uncle, and cousins will be coming.. Travis's favorite Janet's coming.. and it certainly ain't Ms. Jackson if you're nasty. Good old Janet.. she's the most filthiest relative I've ever seen in my life. The woman is just a walking box of White Zin wine.. she loves the stuff.. what can I say? I especially love our talks, once she's had some White Zin.. " Grahjrkla.. Ra..chel.. yanno... U can staay wit us.. whenever u want.. If we leeve 2morerrow.. it as to be early.. I've got a gynocological appointment..`` LOVES IT! I'm not going to mock them that much, seeing as how they're giving me a laptop for graduation! Love you Ms. J! Hugs and Kisses! Smoochy-Woochy! Well, seeing as how I'm finished with school, I'm pretty much gonna kick it filthy style with Travy-T up until graduation. Tonight, I'm going to be kicking it.. and watching the premiere episode of the Comeback on HBO with Lisa Kudrow. Don't know what this show's going to be like, it looks like it'll be hilarious. Gotta pay her the respect she deserves.

Watch the Comeback.. because Toby Walters says so.

Because I am the ELDEST!

2005-06-03T15:06:00.000-04:00

HELLS YEAH! Today was my last day EVER in high school! It's over! I'm as finished as Britney Spears's career! Went for a half-day today at school, and basically did nothing but sit around and act wacky. In my lovely cooking class, we made wacky ice cream sundaes. They were
Mmm-tastic! Now that my High School career is over, I can safely say that I will NOT miss a damn thing at that school. And especially, after viewing our lovely Senior Video this morning, I can definitely say that NOTHING will be missed for me. Ah, the amazing shitty choices of music that they use.. `` I hope you had the time of your liiiiifffeee!`` I swear, that song is used EVERY single damn year at our school. Thank god, they didn't bust out with.. " I will remember uuuuuuuu!" In other wacky news, after getting out early today in school, I headed home, and popped in a little Slums of Beverly Hills action! God, I absolutely heart that movie! It's positively filthy, and definitely my kind of flick! I'm on the part right now, where Uncle Murr-AY ends up feeling up good old Marissa Tomei when she comforts him. SUCH AN AWESOME MOVIE! This movie taught me so many different things.. it taught me to never get blood on someone's good needle-point. It also taught me not to waste a good piece of steak, and it also taught me to respect my older brother and to get him his bong when he asks for it. I unfortunately think I need to cut this post short, because I need to pack my belongings for a wacky night with my friend Alyssa. I'm spending the night at her house, and we're going to see.. drum roll please.. Lords of Dogtown. -sigh.- Seeing as how I'm so in love with skateboarding, and the sheer art of the sport, I obviously can't wait to see the movie. Lol. I'm kidding.. in all seriousness, I'm going.. just to branch out a little bit. I get flack from my Mom sometimes for not branching out of my filthy choice of movies. I'll definitely be giving a full report and diagnosis on this movie.. Alyssa's a huge Emile Hirsch fan.. so that's pretty much the only reason we're going. Lol. Hey, I love the Girl Next Door.. it's a kickass movie.. but Emile's not enough for me to see this movie. Well, I guess it's time for me to do some amazing packing.. " We want the funk.. gotta have the funk.. owww!"

Tweedle.. lee.. dee! Traavy-T!

2005-06-01T20:49:00.000-04:00

Ah, the end is almost near.. I can literally smell the end of school, and it smells amazing! Kind of like a nice bottle of women's perfume.. in a JC-Penny's bathroom, before a woman comes in, and lets a dainty fart. One more full day tomorrow, and I've got a half a day on Friday, and I'm offically done! THANK GOD! I can safely say, that the high school years definitely weren't the bestest ever for good old Rachy-E! I don't know yet if college will be amazing, but I'm sure it'll be a hell of a lot better than having to stay where I am right now. Anywho, nothing that amazing to report today.. watched a little or R&M's High School Reunion last night. Needed a good laugh, and most importantly needed to feel the joy that Michelle felt when they finally let Julia Roberts shop in Pretty Woman. It's tough to really pinpoint a favorite scene for me, there's sooooo many. I'd have to say that probably seeing Lisa Kudrow's stunt double do a roll across the limo, and hearing her poorly dubbed voice, as the person fell.. was hands down my favorite scene.
`` Romy.. you'll never guess what happened..``
`` Michelle.. can't you see.. that I am BUSY?``
`` Fine.. okay.. just forget it!`` -Storms away.. cueing the bestest scene ever.-

I'm not going to talk anymore about the horror that is Romy and Michele - in the Beginning that's currently airing on ABC family. All I will do, is sigh deeply, and try to hold back the seething anger. If any of you need a good laugh, like I just experienced, please mosey on over to the Conversations about Famous People blog.. if nothing else.. than for the amazing Tom Cruise picture. If I didn't think the guy was super G now, then this picture definitely confirmed it for me! Tom's looking for " A Few Good Meeennn!" right after he does a scissor-kick in those bitchin jeans and sneeks, he's sportin'.

Ah, I'm afraid kiddies that Rachy-E has just run completely out of wackiness in this post. . Mom's being wacky and wanting to call my fabulous cousin's wife, Janet. She's Travy-T's favorite Janet.. and I'm not talking about Ms. Jackson if you're nasty! She's positively filthy!

Schoooollll's almost out for Raaachel!

2005-05-31T17:25:00.000-04:00

Thank f'ing god, I'm this close to being done with school. Just have the rest of this week, and I'll be finished. I got all of my letters, and I'm offically exempted from all of my dumbass exams. I don't know how I'm going to hold all of my emotions in, now knowing that I won't be able to go to my Government class anymore. Just to think that this is going to be the last week I can hear my teacher talk about the amazing topics of anal and oral sex. Cause, let's face it people.. anal sex is the backbone of our Government.. it's what makes our country, oh so great. Geez-louise! I absolutely f'ing hate my Government class! In other news, I finished my lovely powerpoint presentation that I was talking about in earlier posts. Sadly, alas.. I did not use the amazing song " Smack my Bitch Up." Travy-T showed me the wonder that is the song playing at the end of Mean Girls. It's actually a really good song, and made my presentation on Wildlife Trade very wacky, and also meaningful at the same time. So, my lovely teacher tells me that I can present my project today.. I get up in front of the class at the computer, and start it up. I strain my ears, and could only hear just a tad of the beginning chords. The girl that went before me, had a problem with hearing her music.. Turns out.. drumroll please.. my teacher didn't turn his f'ing speakers up! Whatta dumbass! POSITIVELY WACKY, kids! In OTHER news, I also got my other graduation present from lovely Travy-T! He mades mees a lovely scrapbook, chronicalling my filthy existence here on earth. Love it.. LOVES IT! Best picture.. hands down.. was of my lovely Grandma shooting a shot gun at my cousin Mark's house! LOVES IT! Travy-T's the bestest brother ever.. in fact.. he's the bestest right now.. snoring in key of E, sound asleep in the bed beside the computer. I'm in the wackiest mood, kids.. so I know it's time to end the post.. before I do something completely CRAAAZY! One more thing before I go, my friend Alyssa has finally gotten hooked up with her own blog! Hells yeah! I tells ya.. blogs are the shiznit. Doubt if hers will be as filthy as mine, but I know it'll be totally kickass!

F. Balk says being filthy is the bestest.

Son of the Mask = Jamie Kennedy + chk, chk..BOOM!

2005-05-27T22:50:00.000-04:00

Can't help it, but I'm simply drawn to shitty films. I can't explain, I can't deny it, there's just something completely hilarious and amusing about watching actors tapdance through pure shit. Case and point, Travy-T and I rented Son of the Mask tonight at the local Roanoke Hollywood Video. I ask myself.. why.. WHY must good quality films be ruined by shitty sequels/continuations? God, Kennedy.. the Mask was such a good film! Jim Carrey was awesome! Cameron Diaz was filthy.. hell.. Richard Jenni or however the hell you spell his name, was amazing in it as well! God, Hollywood.. God.. And can I say, the baby in this film.. couldn't look more ugly, or more retarded if its life depended on it. I don't know, maybe I'm just not paying attention.. maybe this movie's goal was just to be shitty. Maybe the studio's released this piece of crap, to urge people to go and buy the original on DVD. You never know. We're still watching the movie right now, and if anyone, ANYWHERE knows where I can purchase either a sturdy rope to make a noose, or a nice shotgun, I'd greatly appreciate it.. Oh, it's not for me friends, it's for Mr. Kennedy. Poor, poor bastard. You just need to go back to what you do best, Jamie. And that, my friend, is getting yanked into a van on a college campus, whilst getting stabbed, and thrashing as a kid walks by holding a boom box that plays Suburban Life. God, I absolutely love that song.. " Suburban Life, ain't what seems.. Suburban Life, the American Dream." In other news, I also went with Travis to go see the Longest Yard. Now, before I get any flack about this, I had to go just to pay my respects to Adam Sandler. The Sandler has made me laugh in the past with his wacky antics.. The person who really shined for me in this flick was Mr. Tracy Morgan. No one.. NO ONE could've pulled off a performance like Tracy can. If nothing else, please go and see this movie for Tracy Morgan. Granted, he's not in the entire movie, but he definitely holds an amazing screen presence. Nelly was positively wacky in the movie.. just ask the absolutely FILTHY bird that was in the theater, practically drooling over him, before she had to go to her Tim Matheson fan club meeting. If any of you, don't remember, or don't know who Tim Matheson is.. shame on you.. simply shame on you.. One more thing, before I go.. finally having Private Parts in my DVD collection = BEST THING EVER. Love that movie, and especially the lovely fight scene between Hooowwwaard and Kenny. Genius. " I'm not giving you the phone, Kenny.. NO!"

Oprah says it's T....V... Tiiiiiimmmee!

2005-05-23T20:11:00.000-04:00

I know I'm going to get flack from my friend, but damnit Alyssa.. I can't help it. So, unlike many weekdays, I decided to mosey on over to Oprah and catch Mr. T.C. himself in what was promised to be an interesting episode. And indeed, this episode did deliver like most Oprah's in the emotional department.. I laughed, I cried.. mostly out of sheer laughter, and I crouched down in my chair, out of sheer embarrassment I felt for Mr. Cruise. Now, I'm not going to rip Tom Cruise a new a-hole, but I mean.. damn man.. this appearance definitely didn't help ya out that much, buddy. I'm not the hugest fan of the whole Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes relationship.. I personally would rather see some more interesting and more filthy combinations.. ( Although, the weird-ass upper lip fungus Katie Holmes was sporting a few weeks ago, momentarily allowed this relationship to drop into filthy territory.) C'mon, Hollywood.. let's be a little more wacky with our publicity stunts.. I mean, our relationship pairings. Hows about a little Steve Martin/Lindsay Lohan action, or what about a little Steve Buschemi/Kirsten Dunst action? Huh? I mean, let's try to mix it up.. and make things a little bit more bizarre or creepy. Well, I've definitely gotten off track, let's back to the topic of Mr. Cruise. Probably, my absolute favorite moment in this Oprah episode, was when Tom was professing his love for Katie. The question that was brought up, was how did he meet/fall in love with Joey Potter? Tom exclaimed with great emotion and gayness.. that he fell in love and wanted to meet Katie after seeing her amazing work and performances. Cue record breaking, right about now! Now, I'm not going to lie.. I used to enjoy a little Dawson's Creek action, mostly out of pure filthiness and sheer insanity back in the day. I bet I know what tugged at your heart strings, TC! It would DEFINITELY have to be the amazing acting that Ms. Holmes exhibited in First Daughter. I swear, I got a little bit misty and emotional myself whilst watching her dance dressed like Pamela Anderson atop a bar. I also got very emotional towards the end of the episode when Katie made the long awaited and extremely awkward and uncomfortable appearance towards the end of the show. I'm sorry, but no matter how much you guys try to dry-hump, and get subsequent weird lip funguses and eat each others faces, it still ain't gonna sell your movies. Mr. Minority Report, and Ms. First Daughter.. think of another plan, because this one definitely ain't working, kiddies.. Oprah keep bringing the award winning television.. and asking Tom what it was like to have a bi-racial child.. PURE GENIUS. I have one request Tom and Katie, when you finally decide to get "married", can I please sit between Mimi Rogers and the flask that belonged to Chris Klein?

Harumphty Hump!

2005-05-21T17:22:00.000-04:00

Today's been a very very long ass day, for good old Rachy-E. Today was the infamous going to the mall and shopping for a graduation outfit with the Mommer day. Can I say how much I loathe shopping? Can I say how much I detest it? I swear, I love going to the various malls here, and basking in the amazing atmosphere. After going to two malls, and entering 90000000 different stores, I had one question running rampant in my mind. " WHY... WHY.. do I have to wear a white outfit?" God, help me.. Well, after finally entering the wonderful store of Mr. Edward Bauer.. I finally found an outfit. I don't know if it's going to work, it seemed to fit and be fine in the store.. or maybe it was just my HUGE-ASS desire to get the hell out of there that made it fit. My, silly little high school.. trying to make me show my purity and my cleanliness. You silly little administration.. Rachy-E has and will always be a filthy little schickza. In other news, I visited my Grandma last night, and enjoyed basking in the smell of baby-powder and crap in the hallways.. and SERIOUSLY enjoyed seeing my favorite resident.. and Grandma's neighbor Icy Lee's door shut, and her beautiful turkey decoration. Icy Lee was gettin' her freeeak on... wooooottt! She was being wacky! I tell ya, there's nothing wackier than going to bed at 7:30 on a weeknight. Well, I take that back.. seeing my new favorite resident Arthur wearing his blue race-car pajamas was wiggidy whack! I got Clarissa Explains it All: The Complete First Season on DVD yesterday.. it may be 2 discs.. and have a static menu.. but it's AWESOME! I absolutely love that show.. I will forever hold a place for it in my heart. Janet Darling's Soy Sorbet will always hold a place in my heart, along with Marshall's Sour Pickle Drive-In! NIICE! And as far as tomorrow goes, Rachel's going to see Star Wars Revenge of the Sith with my Mom, and friend Alyssa. Now, while I'll admit that I'm a HUGE Jimmy Smits fan.. ( Let's face it, the guy was AMAZING in Switch with Ellen Barkin..), I'm already a little bit disappointed that I won't be able to watch Hayden Christensen exploring his full emotional range the entire movie.. It won't be the same when he's behind the Darth mask.. I need to see Hayden's blank expression.. I need to see his napkin charisma.. He brought tears to my eyes as a roving reporter in Shattered Glass.. I just hope he'll do it again this time. In other news, I also have to find a topic for my amazing Ecology powerpoint presentation. Let me fully explain this wonderful project, that my teacher's wanting us to do. We have to make a powerpoint on an environmental issue that we're excited, and passionate about... ( I already have so many that come to mind..) We have to prove to the class that we believe in the issue, whilst having the powerpoint set to some music. Not only do I think that's assine.. I just think it's amazing.. My teacher said it's up to the class to decide whether or not we truly believe in the issue. Come again? DEAR GOD! You can totally just go up there, and B.S. and pretend like you believe strongly in something.. how is anyone going to know? That's why.. I'm thinking I'm going to do mine on the plight in our rainforest.. set to either the tune of Smack my Bitch Up, or Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangsta.. I have to find some pictures, and it needs to be all saved on a CD-RW thing.. My teacher's providing us with the CD.. but this is the guy who never EVER knows what anyone's grades are in the class.. so, how the HELL is he going to know how to help us, if we have a problem with the technology? We have to constantly help him, when he's using his laptop in the class.. He didn't even have the outline to the project typed out.. he was just making it up as he went along.. asking us how many points things should be.. GRRRRRRRR!!!!!! That's great, dude.. that's great.. I want my grade to rely on not only whether or not the kid who wears the same Harley Davidson shirt to class thinks I believe in it.. but also how many points he wants things to be. Most of the kids in that class don't even shower.. or do ANY work.. let's rely on them when it comes to planning projects. -sigh.- Well, I guess I better go.. I'm not feeling so hot.. in fact I'm feeling a little harumph! Allergies are being a bitch! My eyes are swollen, and I'm sneezy and have a sinus headache.. Je suis HARUMPH! One more thing before I go.. Whoever decided to bring Arrested Development back for another season on FOX.. deserves a nice nuzzle between Rachy-E's dirty pillows! BRAVO! Bellicimo!! HELLS YEAH! Nice job, FOX..

Dr. Maggotus May M.D.

2005-05-18T16:57:00.000-04:00

Ah, yes.. ladies and gentlemen.. Rachel has gotten the first season of Scrubs on DVD! Can I just say how much that show rules? Can I just say how AWESOME it is? I've never seen the first season before, and these episodes are absolutely awesome. The menu for the DVD is great.. but most importantly.. my favorite thing of all would be seeing Mr. Yo Yo.. you're gettin' on the freeway! Faison dressed up like Han Solo in an episode. Loves it! They better keep cranking out this show on DVD, because I totally will be all over that shit. I also learned that the 4th season of Alias will be coming out on DVD this fall.. Yay! I've gotta complete the collection, so all of the different versions of the Garner can be one big happy family. In other filthy yet exciting news, the 2 hour episode of Alias is coming on tonight! YAAY! First Lost.. and then Alias! I feel like spontaneously combusting as seen on the wonderful Oprah SNL Skit. " Ugg boots.. that were worn by Julia Rooooobbbberts!" My friend Alyssa will be spending the night tomorrow with me.. her parents are out of town, and they don't want her and her sister to be staying alone. Yeeaah.. she's gonna be kickin' it DysFUNKtional style, at Chez Falligant! We like to treat our guests good at Chez Falligant! I do also have to admit sadly, that I did catch a little bit of the oh-so wonderful Chaotic: Britney and Kevin. The only thing I have to say as a review, is that I DEFINITELY don't feel bad about my acne! Dear LORD. I enjoy laughing and reveling in my laughter when stars look crappy. " Hey, Britney.. you say you wanna lose control.. come over here, I've got some Neutrogena for ya.." Nothing else filthy to report on this front, I'm probably going to have to get started on some homework. My wonderful pain in the ass Ecology teacher, gave us another powerpoint presentation to do.. We get to talk about an Environmental issue that we're excited and passionate about.. and we get to include music and narration in it. I'm already thinking that I might talk about the destruction of the environment.. set to the tune of Smack My Bitch Up. Sound good?

Chirping with Cusack

2005-05-16T16:50:00.000-04:00

So, today was an amazing day.. I got to catch a wonderful showing of Runaway Jury in my Government class. STILL.. if you couldn't tell the emphasizing.. STILL in the middle of SOL week, we're basically sitting around and doing jack shit in my classes. As much fun as doing jack shit is, I'd rather not be doing it with people who smell like ass and massive quantities of Curious by Britney Spears. The movie critic in me, I'm going to say that Runaway Jury wasn't completely awful.. it had the Cusack.. it had the Hackman.. and it even had the Hoffman folks! That didn't really equal cinematic gold for me until I saw the wonderful, able to explore her emotional range as an actor.. Jennifer Beals, folks! I'm telling you.. the one scene she was in.. she really stole the show, folks! It's amazing how she gets top billing on the credits over Jeremy Piven though.. but I'm not going to complain. Mr. PCU himself did quite an amazing job in this film, and through my eyelids I was able to truly see the emotion and dedication he brought to his role as Dustin Hoffman's bitch. Tomorrow is going to be the final day of SOL testing.. and the final day of sitting in the same class for 2 hours.. I get to do my oh-so wonderful oral presentation tomorrow in English. My filthy teacher gave us free-reign on our choice of topics.. I was debating about what to talk about, but I settled on talking about the upcoming summer movies that will be dropping at the theater. It's not the most amazing topic in the world, but it's something I can B.S about for a few minutes, and kind of know what I'm talking about. I absolutely loathe having to talk in front of people.. I probably enjoy public speaking just as much as I enjoy watching the Ginger Snaps trilogy with Travy-T. That Mimi Rogers preserving the finger in the tupperware.. simply amazing! After I do that wonderful presentation in English, I should be finished with crap in there for a while.. THANK GOD! I'd already say how much I can't wait to graduate, but I think you already know.. Look for me at graduation, I'll be the one putting my cigarette out right when they call me up onto the stage. In other non-school related news, I'm in the middle of watching my favorite movie " Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead" on DVD. Hells yeah, man! The Applegate's rocking it hard in the movie.. along with Mr. Josh Charles from Sports Night fame as her great.. as charismatic as a napkin boyfriend! I'm not gonna make fun of this movie, because the DVD's pretty sweet. The theatrical trailer.. two TV spots.. and the ability to listen to it in French Stereo. Yeah, that's right.. it's in French.. jealous? And tomorrow is also the drop date for Scrubs to hit the stores.. Rachel's definitely gonna be heading over to Warehouse, with her store credit in order to pick that SOB up. Yup, I have store credit.. I enjoy hawking my DVD's, and grabbing the store credit.. I can't help it.. I'm a return junkie.. I have a problem.. Je suis waahh! Oh, before I depart for a fun night of homework, and avoiding my wonderful brother.. let me just remind you.. that MTV Movie Awards nominations are online! VOTE NOW! It's going to be wacky.. it's going to be filthy.. it's going to be a suckfest.. much like last year with Lindsay Lohan as the host. Vote for Ms. Tilly for best frightened performance! You'll be glad you did!

Time with ze Travy-T

2005-05-15T12:04:00.000-04:00

So, it's definitely been a very wacky and fun weekend! Wish I had a digital camera to take a quick pic and fully capture my filthiness this morning. Hair is all a tussle, still pajama-clad, and a certain cheesy aroma is wafting off of my skin. Yes, Rachy-E is still extra filthy this morning. Looks like I've been ridden rather roughly.. and I don't mean in a good way. Travy-T left this morning, after what was a wacky, fun-filled visit! I enjoyed spending time with him, and celebrating his biiirrrthdaaay! ( I enjoy using my Oprah voice, when discussing the birth of Mr. Travis Jeremy Falligant). We had a great time, and enjoyed attending the lovely presentation of Friday the 13th at the Grandin Theatre. I can't even begin to express the sheer surprise and delight I experienced at seeing the wide-variety of moviegoers. Travis could probably express this better than I can.. we saw everyone at this event! We saw lovely Jane Wiedlin from the Go-Go's at the ticket counter.. I mean, this girl was amazing! She had the sheer charisma of a napkin, and I enjoyed her blank-stare after we paid her for the tickets! And, ah.. yes.. don't let Rachel forget to talk about the Twat sisters who were sitting in front of us! They're so wacky, tink.. tink! And just think.. they tossed on as much Candies perfume as possible, put on the hooker heels, and the chandlier earrings, just to go to see a movie.. that they DEFINITELY don't belong at. Love ya girls! Love your blatant copying of the laughter I was sharing with Travy-T during some of the movie moments. " Bwhahahahahaha! Look at that, Tiffany! That wacky Kevy Bacon!" Stupid bitches.. Anywho, aside from that, there was also a nice group of filthy.. and I mean.. FILTHY hippies that sat behind us.. clearly there to show their appreciation for the Voorhees.. and also to protest showering on a regular basis! Good god, and all that is holy.. it smelled like 8 different kinds of ham in that theater. Aside from that, I do have to say that I was digging the Friday the 13th. I enjoyed the wacky strip Monopoly game! I enjoyed Kevin Bacon's girlfriend singing in key of E, when she died! Had fun with my Travy-T that night.. he was majorly acting wacky, and majorly rocking his hoodie! Blue is bitchin'! I'm just feeling rather harrumph.. that they couldn't have shown my Vi though in this film.. I would've enjoyed seeing her dance routine on the big screen.. Oh, well, that fun can be reserved for another day. Now's the time in the program for Rachy-E to express her mucho appreciation for Travy-T helping out this visit! He helped me with my English presentation! Organized my poster in such an amazing and filthy way! He took me to school, and babysat me! You're such a good mother, Travis! I'd start tearing up, but I don't think that would do well.. seeing as how the only thing that would come out would be motor oil instead of tears. Before I go, I just want to give a nice shout out to the older bro.. " Travis.. you're such a good.. Birth...day.. BOOYY!"

That is the ugliest f'ing post..

2005-05-12T21:38:00.000-04:00

So, Rachy-E had to travel out with the Mom Unit this evening to finish buying ze Big T his birthday goodies. It's very hard to believe, those main teets of his are almost 29 years old! Tomorrow will be the big day, and we will be heading down to the historic Grandin Theatre to catch a midnight screening of the wonderful.. the amazing.. the terriffic.. Friday the 13th! The theater's so old, but sometimes they show these midnight movies.. and they are AWESOME. Travis and I saw Ferris Bueller there over the summer, and a friend and I are possibly talking about seeing Weird Science, because it's showing in May. Anytime you wanna get freaky in the 'Noke, the best thing to do is head down to the midnight movie.. it gives you the chance to show your true wackiness, and express your inner filthiness. Just ask Travis, we saw probably the most filthiest little schickza get up and shake what her momma gave her during the pivotal song and dance routine in Ferris Bueller. She was twistin' and shoutin' with the Broderick.. and it was HEELARIOUS. I personally was waiting for her to reinact the famous Jennifer Grey karate kick to Mr. Rooney, but it didn't happen. In other news, being such a good sister, I did the birthday shopping with my Mom, but missed the majority of the O.C. tonight! Quelle horror! I missed the Barton.. but I did get to catch good old Caleb majorly bite it at the end and fall into the pool. Great death scene! Can't wait for next week's episode.. Marissa might be getting her ass shot up! Love the preview.. "chk.. chk.. BOOM!" " Marissa?!" LOVES IT! I absolutely love how completely shitty this show has gotten as the year's progressed. Poor Kirsten Cohen.. you can't blame the girl for her problems.. she just wants to hang out with her favorite man Jack D! When you've got the Gallagher on your back.. things can be very hard at times. Those eyebrows are bitchin' though! This is sooo random, but can I say how much I love Emma Gerber in Mean Girls? The poor girl can't help it if she eats her feelings.. There seriously needs to be an Emma Gerber shirt made.. with a nice screencap from the end where she's dressed in her prom outfit, beaming when the Lohan compliments her.

Hey, it's Gregor!! Chk, chk.. AAAHH!

2005-05-11T21:20:00.000-04:00

Just finished putting the final touches on a few more Graduation invites that'll be heading out in the mail. Rachel can smell the sweet nearing of Graduation, and it smells oh so good! Like heaven, or in a filthier sense.. a nice pair of JCPenny's panties that are ripe for a 40 year old dude's smelling. I'll be rocking the all-white cap and gown like it's nobody's business, on graduation! At Cave Spring, we like to keep up the impression that all of the girls are pure, hence the white ensemble we have to wear. The guys get to wear the darker blue or black, I'm not sure.. those bastards. It's definitely going to be a filthy good time for all! It's pretty funny that I have to wear all white, because let's face it people.. Rachel's faaaaar from being pure. In fact, Rachel has never been pure in her entire life. I popped out of my good old Mommy's womb, dripping of motor oil and pure filth. In other news, I just finished watching Lost, and it was as AWESOME as ever. Tonight, was Ms. Evangelline Lily's night.. and her story was very good and wacky. Plus, we got a nice cameo from Mackenzie Astin.. and let's face it.. the Astins never disappoint... Sean or Mac.. Well, tonight's also Alias night.. so Rachel can't be late to watch some Sydney Bristow! Mr. Joel Grey's already acting wacky, and wearing a bitchin' bee-keeper's costume.. whilst the best CGI bees ever, stung a dude. Rachy-E also saw Jennifer Garner shopping for baby clothes looking ever-so happy with the Affleck.. keep up the good times, Garner.. keep em up.. In all seriousness, she's cool in my book, but I expect my TV viewing schedule next year at Longwood to remain the same.. If I have to stay in a filthy dorm room, I expect to see the Bristow again next year! One last random thing before I go.. Aaron Carter on Regis & Kelly this morning = absolutely amazing. Keep up the good work, dude! I see great things, and future Wal-Mart performances in your future! Travy-T told me you rocked the house.. why don't you come and rock it up in the 'Noke with Rachy-E? We'd have a good time, dude! Corn-dogs, and plenty of switchblades in the shopping carts to go around!

Never gonna be.. the same again! Louuuise!

2005-05-10T21:48:00.000-04:00

This is SOL week at good old Cave Spring. These are some filthy standardized tests that underclassmen need to take, and Seniors don't have to take. So, yes, it looks like Rachy-E's gonna have a rather long and filthy week. It's okay though, teachers are showing us movies in class.. and not just any ordinary movies, oh no! These movies are special, they have a certain je ne sais quas about them. Take today for example, in my Ecology class, which is basically the retard science class, we watched the amazing, the terriffic Ferngully! GOD! Can you say painful? And after that great cinematic achievement, we followed it up with an amazing Dr. Seuss film about the beauty of trees. I'm not going to rip Ferngully such a huge new a-hole, because I remember seriously enjoying that movie when I was a child. I enjoyed a lot of movies as a child.. why couldn't we have watched something cool like Teen Witch or Mannequin 2 On the Move? I believe that Hollywood Montrose is very environmentally-conscious, and he could really show the class a lot about ecology, whilst being shot close to the crotch by an arrow. " I thought cupid aimed for the heaaaart." Mr. Designing Women himself, Mr. Taylor was classic in that role. Probably still wears the glasses, and the sequenced headband to this day. In my Math class, we get to watch the amazing Stand and Deliver with Mr. Edward James Olmos.. Math and Inner City schools.. pure filth! Lou Diamond Phillips is in it, and that just guarantees cinematic gold. And then in my wonderful Government class, we're going to watch the amazing.. the terriffic.. the fascinating.. RUNAWAY JURY, folks! YES! Nothing says fascinating in a two hour class period first thing in the morning, than John Cusack. Off of the school topic, I just finished bidding Scrubs a nice au revoir for the season.. it was such an awesome episode! The first season comes out on Tuesday, and I'm okay with admitting, that I'm totally gonna be on that shit. Rachel's a fan of the Braff, and the Faison. And can Rachel just also randomly say and close with the fact that Jennifer Garner pregnant= not screwing up her favorite show Alias. Garner, don't screw with my Wednesday nights.. they're very precious..

Armed and Dangerous!

2005-05-08T10:54:00.000-04:00

This announcement is coming from America's Most Wanted: Dirty Bird Edition. This little woozy wren has a history of not returning her tapes to Blockbuster, but basically one tape in particular: Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. She's armed, she's dangerous, and she's sanitized!

The O'Donnell Family.. dun, dun, dun.. DUN! -snap, snap.-

2005-05-07T20:33:00.000-04:00

Well, today was the day that ze cousins came down to spend time with my Grandma for Mother's Day. Now, I'm not going to spend this post ragging on my cousins.. well, at least the entire post ragging on my cousins. Everyone has their own little quirky family members, and let me just say that ours is pretty much chocked full of them! My cousin Mark and his family came down to visit. They mean well I guess, in coming down to see my Grandma, but you can obviously tell that they just want to mooch off of you. We took them to lunch at the rather kick-ass Taco Bell we have in Roanoke, and had to spend time before, stopping to hold hands and pray. Now.. now.. now.. Rachy-E doesn't have a problem with praying. I thank God every night for my family, my friends, and my insane amount of filthiness. I just don't understand the need to stop in the middle of a fast-food restaurant and hold hands and pray rather loudly. You don't see that kind of crap happening at Bojangles, so it shouldn't happen at Taco Bell. Rachy-E really tries to be patient, she really does, but the patience kind of starts to wear thin, when the cousins start to overstay their welcome. A typical day visit for my cousins usually turns into them spending the night at our apartment, and violating the clean apartment with their rather cheezy smell. I'm not saying I smell like a damn daisy, but GEEZ.. at least I wash my own feet and hair on a regular basis. Guess that's filthy boys for ya, though. In other filthy news, my oh-so wonderful bro Travy-T came up to visit for Mother's Day. He bought me a nice good-old Sam's Club double DVD pack, that contained Anywhere But Here and Bend it Like Beckham. I absolutely <3 Sam's Club's DVD packs.. they contain two of the most random movies EVER! Like, you'll usually see like Rush Hour/Runaway Bride, or my personal favorite Nine Months/Say Anything. Apparently, I'm too wacky, but I just don't see the connection between Julianne Moore giving birth, and Ione Skye learning to drive stick-shift with good old Johnny Cusack. Anywhere But Here in all seriousness, is the shiznit though.. and as much as Travy-T thinks I don't like Bend It Like Beckham, I do! Those will be initiated perfectly into the rapidly growing Rachy-E DVD collection. So, bravo Travy-T.. you're such a good bro-bro to Rachy-E. Tomorrow, I'm planning on taking my Mommy Dearest to see an advanced screening of Monster in Law, with the Fonda and JLO. I know.. I know.. JLO... but I can't help it.. the movie looks like it'd be interesting.. and it's got the Fonda, the rather bitchin' Michael Vartan, and the Sykes. In the words of my favorite boozer, user and loser Jerri Blank.. " Good times.. Goooood times!"

Die bitch... DIE!

2005-05-06T20:00:00.000-04:00

So, Rachy-E's been to see House of Wax, and I actually had a really good time. I mean, sure the acting's horrible, and sure the characters are forgettable, but it was very hilarious. I enjoyed dying of laughter when I saw Paris majorly eat it, and die! Can't help it.. I love that crap! I enjoyed dying of laughter when I saw Dean from Gilmore Girls get all filthy and waxy. My friend Alyssa that went with me, was a major Chad Michael Murray fan, so she enjoyed seeing the Chad in action. The movie wasn't really scary at all, it just had a few kooky moments that had me thrashing just a tad in my seat. Ms. Elisha Cuthbert in particular, made Rachy-E do a Jack Tripper in a few choices scenes, and I was majorly gnawing on my hand a bit. Aside from the movie, they had some pretty awesome trailers before it. I mean.. c'mon.. they had the Cave with Ms. Slap Her She's French.. Piper Perabo. God, that looked like a shitty movie if there ever was one. Poor Piper.. not even a rendition of "One Way or Another.." will save your career from "chk,chk.." territory, dear. The one thing that I absolutely can't wait for.. is the fabulous Mr. and Mrs. Smith. They debuted the new trailer in front of the movie, and it was hella good! I enjoyed it, Alyssa enjoyed it.. and the lone guy down in the corner, wearing a leather jacket and chest-hair exposing shirt enjoyed it too. I also must say.. that I've been wrong in my opinion.. the new Batman trailer that they debuted.. looked rather nifty. Can't believe I'm gonna say this.. but Christian Bale looked pretty cool in it. And the final trailer, was for the Dukes of Hazzard. It's probably the filthy teenager crying out, but I can't believe that I'm going to admit this, but it looks like it'll be cool. Jessica Simpson even looks like she'll be good! I know, I know! Well, I guess I better get some rest.. the cousins are coming up tomorrow to visit my grandma for Mother's Day. I can already smell the beer, wet socks, and lack of showering a mile away. I know I'm mean, but damnit.. we have a filthy-ass family!

Chirping from a Cave Spring dirty bird

2005-05-05T15:53:00.000-04:00

So, nothing extremely filthy to report today.. just an incredible WAAACKY day at school. Before anything else, can I just say how ready I am to graduate? Can I just say that? I definitely know I have problems, when I sit in my English class, and instead of listening to yet another fascinating discussion about Victorian Literature, I start mentally taking out the gun, and doing a little "chk, chk.." spring cleaning on some of my more annoying classmates. Now, I know that's extremely shocking and gasp-worthy to read... I guess I'm just that filthy. I can't help it though, maaann! These crazy kids today, are possibly some of the most annoying people I've ever seen in my life. They're soooo annoying, and smell like Dobermans that have been douched with Calvin Klein for Men and Curious. I guess as the year's starting to dwindle down, Rachy-E has begun to have one of her low-tolerance days. The day didn't necessarily start off too well though, when I was in my cooking class, trying to finish the f'ing basket-weaving cake, when my teacher comes up to me, and instead of offering some polite tips on how to better the dessert, she violently scrapes the icing off, and turns to me and goes.. " Rachel, do you have ADD?!" Love the positivity, absolutely love it! The lady tells me that I stress way too much over the cake, and I know that I do.. but I absolutely love when she comes up to me, yelling, and completely ripping my cake a new a'hole, after seeing it. And you know, I would've asked the girl next to me, but this filthy little tubby schickza, was too busy licking the icing that was falling off of her cake, to offer any pointers. Okay, random Thora Birch attitude today, but it's slowly beginning to pass. Seeing as how tonight's Thursday, it's not really that great of a TV night, for Rachy-E.. Now, I'm definitely going to get flack for this, but what can I say, I enjoy a good trainwreck.. it's going to be time for Rachel to start watching the O.C. again! Dun.. dun.. DUN! Yes, I've been watching this show, but took a nice little sabbatical, after seeing Marissa checking out the girl from the cancelled Fox show "Skin" and seeing if her carpet matched her drapes. It's Gallagher time, baaby! I can't help it.. I get lost in those furry little bastards above his eyes.. they're just so positively filthy! And it's time in the program for Rachel's random thought of the day... I'm so glad that Brooke Shields is educating me on the horrible effects of postpartum depression. Hopefully after that, Kathy Griffin can educate me on the hideousness of shingles.

Wiggidy Whack, it's Wednesday!

2005-05-04T22:35:00.000-04:00

Tonight is Wednesday, which means one thing... it was J.J. Abrams night, baby! Rachy-E caught both Lost and Alias, and they were the bomb biggiddy, baby! This was probably the first episode of Lost that I've watched fully, but it was soooo awesome! Even though the bald-guy didn't die, I did enjoy watching him doing a little bit of the samba when he got shot. Call me filthy, but I always enjoy it in movies, when people do a nice interpretative dance when they're either shot, caught on fire, or in the case of Adam Arkin in Halloween H20... stabbed violently. Yes, it makes me laugh, and yes it allows a little giggle to escape, sue me! After Lost, it was Alias time, and I have to say.. given that last week's episode sucked royally, this one completely ruled all! For those of you who don't watch the show.. Mack-Daddy Victor Garber was hallucinating and injecting himself with poison, and Senorita Sydney Bristow had to dress up like her mother and save the day! Great episode! GREAT! Next week marks Jennifer Garner's directorial debut on an episode, and I really don't know how that'll go. So, until I can witness it myself, I'm gonna have to pull a Jack Tripper, and gnaw on my hand in nervousness. I've just never really understood it when actors on shows need to dabble in directing. Never understood it on Friends, when Sir David Schwimmer directed, and I definitely don't understand it either on Alias. Well, just as long as we don't get a Ben Affleck cameo, like there was in Elektra.. ( Yes, I have the DVD... I can't help it! I have to support Jennifer Garner! I have to give her props! The Ben Affleck cameo though on a deleted scene.. definitely DOES NOT need props.) Right now, Rachy-E's watching the great Fallen Idol special on ABC... and it's simply hilarious! I absolutely love this dude Corey whatever his name is.. he's absolutely AWESOME! If you have to describe Paula's kiss in one word Corey, what would it be? " Dope, man.. it was dope." HAHAHA! Simply genius, man. I absolutely love seeing him in the recording studio, and hear one of the brilliant tracks he's recording.. " Oooooohhhhhh yeeeeeaaahh... squeede dee dopp dopp dopp... whee eww whee eww.. dee dee dopp bopp bopp." I'll be the first in line to buy that SOB when it comes out. FYI: Randy Jackson rocks the pink spandex pants in Journey.

Best News Ever!

2005-05-03T20:29:00.000-04:00

Being that today was a rather boring day, I thought it would be time to announce Rachy-E's Good News of the Day! There have been so many random things I've read or seen today, that have really made me happy. Not only are they releasing Scrubs on DVD, which I absolutely cannot wait for..... another favorite show of mine is coming out on DVD. God, I absolutely loved the Canadian actors in this program, more specifically, the magnificent... the talented.. I don't remember his name at the moment, but he was an amazing Canadian actor! The dude that played Ferguson, hells yeah, man! Clarissa Explains it All is finally coming out on DVD! I can't even tell you how much I loved this show when I was little.. the randomness... the comedy... the Canadian actors.. and did I mention the amazing Canadian actors? I love the wonderful Marshall and Janet Darling.. really felt like they were probably just as filthy as my parents were. Although, come to think of it, I don't think they could quite capture the Falligant filthiness. Marshall just wouldn't look good smoking a cigar, and doing a backflip into the laundry room doors after learning that the family dog was put to sleep. LUUUUUKE! All that aside for a second, I also found something out that is simply AWESOME. My favorite show on Comedy Central is coming back for a 3rd season! Heck yeah, man! Reno 911 is coming back! I gets to see mees some Dangle! And Trudy Weigel. If you haven't seen the show yet, what the hell's wrong with you?!? Lieutenant Jim Dangle is reason enough for you to watch... seriously! If he's not reaosn enough for you, then there's always Jackie the pickle-juice guzzling whore! I love that show.. it's a good wholesome, filthy show.. I just don't think there are enough of those anymore on TV. Well, looks like Rory Gilmore's callin' my name, and I must answer her... but before I go, I just want to offer up a nice Reno 911 quote for you.. I think it sums up Trudy Weigel and Lieutenant Dangle's relationship... PERFECTLY. " Lieutenant Dangle and I have a special relationship.. we're like brother and sister.. except a brother and sister who have sex." THAT SHOW RULES. PERIOD.

Random Ray-Ray!

2005-05-02T17:24:00.000-04:00

So, today's been a little bit on the long, and painfully dull side, for good old Rachy-E. Had a pretty interesting and filthy day yesterday; I went to my friend Alyssa's choir concert. She belongs to the Roanoke College Children's Choir, and they were having their wacky Spring Musical. I just went to see Alyssa wearing an orange wig, which was so awesome by the way. Now, before I go any further, I must explain that the choir was doing a finale to the amazing.. the terrific.. the spectacular GREASE! She was part of the filthy birds doing the Beauty School Dropout number.. and I must say, that seeing teenage girls prancing around, and wearing various dresses and multi-colored wigs only brought one thought to mind. " Where's the Cahn?" I'm referring to the amazing Senorita Didi Cahn, who not only rocked the house in Grease, but brought me plenty of enjoyment during my Shining Time Station days as a child. In all seriousness though, everyone in the choir did a great job! Even the High School senior boys dancing to Grease-Lightning! Seeing those teets of theirs flopping, whilst they did their wacky dance and pelvic thrusting, was pretty g'damn funny. In fact, I haven't laughed that hard after since I went on the Shrek 4-D ride with my great ball of filth brother, Travy-T. Watching him thrash, and those main teets of his flying.. it's just simply amazing.
Time for Rachel's randomness of the day:
1. Watching the amazing Rosie O'Donnell last night on her tv movie, and watching a fat woman get a 30 pound tumor removed from her ass on Grey's Anatomy... both extremely nauseating.
2. FYI.. Britney Spears may plan to quit her pop career to take care of her child.. I seriously hope that isn't true.. I hope the pop music continues.. I hope to see a "Do Somethin' 2" music video in the near future.. I think that baby would fit perfectly next to Britney in that pink hummer.
3. Meet the Barker's... hands down.. is the most awesome show ever. Is it wrong that I want to violently squeeze their mowhawk baby's cheeks? Guess it's time for Rachel to put the trail of cheerios down for that kid.. that's it.. just a few more.. then.. it's time to go into the freezer!
4. Watched the most amazing movie in Ecology.. "Soylent Green". Now, I know that the name simply screams fascinating.. but it's got the most kickass elements. It's got the Heston! It's got prostitutes! It's got Heston giving the deepest O ever, while showering with a prostitute! It's got Heston doing the watusi, while being shot! It's literally AWESOME!

Rachel and the boys

2005-04-30T21:35:00.000-04:00

Well, today's been a very busy Saturday, for Rachy-E.. Got up, and spent the day with my favorite men... Sam, Ross, and Mos Def. You might be scratching your head for a second, but let me explain the wackiness. Went to Sam's club, my oh-so favorite place next to Wal-Mart to help my Mom with Grocery Shopping, and went to the AMAZING.. ( yeah, right..) Ross's Dress for Less that's popped up new in Valley-View. I needed to get a nice, and preferrably not filthy outfit, to wear tomorrow, when I go to my friend Alyssa's choir concert thingy. Let me tell you the one thing that I learned today.... I ABSOLUTELY HATE SHOPPING! I just really don't get it.. I don't get how these positively filthy women can flock to these clothing outlets, and spend hours and HOURS shopping! We went in there, for about 45 minutes.. and I was two steps away from heading to my dark place. And let me tell you, Rachy-E's dark place isn't fun. I was able to aquire a pretty wacky.. a pretty filthy outfit to wear tomorrow, so everything turned out to be okay. And plus.. the amazingly " I'm wearing my Super G shirt, just in case you couldn't tell..`` cashier Howard was waiting on us, so everything was all good. If the shopping trip didn't make my day, Howard definitely did. So, yes.. Rachel actually had to buy a skirt, and I'm going to actually have to look like a girl for once.. damnit!! I enjoy embracing my filthiness.. I hate having to be girly! And, ah.. yes.. Rachel's rocking the purse as well! Well, after my great shopping trip, my Mom and I decided to head to the movies. I'm sure I'm going to get crap for my choice, I've already gotten some from my friend Alyssa.. but.. yes.. we did go see the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. I'm still trying to figure out why I wanted to see this.. -thinks.- The trailer made it look like it was going to be hilarious.. but it definitely.. WASN'T. In fact, this film got an 8 on the Rachel's Ass Pain scale. Now, while you're scratching your head.. I'm going to explain.. Most of the time, I usually rate movies on how badly they make my ass hurt, and make me squirm in the seat. This one was definitely painful... although, I did enjoy seeing Mr. Sam Rockwell, and his two heads! You should check this movie out.. for it's randomness.. and for the scene where everyone are figures knitted out of yarn. Not too memorable for Rachy-E.. in fact.. I'm sure that in the morning, I'll wake up and not really remember a lot of the film.

Filthy yet Fascinating

2005-04-28T20:57:00.000-04:00

I happened upon a very interesting article on good old E-Online, which reported on a super-duper new couple in good old Tinseltown. This couple is wacky.. they're kooky.. they have a CRAAZY age-gap.. Is it Shannon Elizabeth and James Garner? Noooooo. Is it the Lohan and Steve Martin? Heck no! This new couple, who I know will be constantly on every single g-damn magazine cover, and on EVERY single episode of E! News Daily from now on... is.... Mr. Risky Business and Miss. First Daughter! Yup, good old Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are dating. Putting on my super G shirt.. I'm gonna play Ted Casablanca today.. and say that it's time for the AWFUL TRUTH! On a quick side note, can I say how f'ing annoying he is? Can I also say how much I miss good old Steve Kmetko? Screw Jules Asner.. he was the shit, and the one who made E! News what it is today.. I absolutely love seeing his wackiness, as well as the picture of him and another dude dressed up as women during Halloween. The red-sequenced number he had on, really brought out his eyes. Anywho.. back to the news of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.. wow, I really get side-tracked sometimes.. on those craaazy E! reporters. Apparently, kiddies.. these two wacky kids have been dating for a couple weeks, both of their publicists confirmed.. What a perfect time for this publicity stunt.. I mean.. this relationship to start. The sad thing is though, that no matter what Katie Holmes does.. it isn't going to make Batman Begins look anymore interesting.. Christian Bale + the entire history of Batman = Nappy-time for Rachy-E. C'mon people.. let's make the trailer just a LITTLE bit interesting. I'm not asking for a whole hell of a lot here.. but Liam Neeson doesn't scream Summer Blockbuster. I'm not going to say anything about War of the Worlds yet.. seeing as how the trailer hasn't really showed me a lot of the movie yet.. All I have to say though is.. Tom.. let's not have this be another Minority Report, buddy.

Goofy Garner!

2005-04-27T22:25:00.000-04:00

Filthiness aside, I just finished watching Alias, and it was a very cool episode! Apparently, Mack-Daddy Victor Garber got exposed to some radiation or some crap, and it caused his skin to fall off. To be honest, I didn't pay attention to the episode that well, because I was distracted by a certain guest star that managed to make a cameo. Wait a sec... was that THE Michael McKean? Wow.. WOW.. He played the Garber's doctor, helping him with his condition.. I'm just hoping though that they keep up the A-List guest stars. I must say though, all in all, this wasn't one of my favorite Alias episodes. Yup, it's a shocker.. but this one didn't keep my attention the entire time. I also caught this special thing about Lost before Alias, and it caught you up on everything that had happened on the show since the pilot episode. I've never watched the show before really, until now.. and I must say.. what I saw.. was.. AWESOME. Matthew Fox is the bomb biggidy, man! That's definitely a show I'm going to have to start watching.. gotta keep up the loyalty to J.J. Abrams. Very nice catch-up special! Now, I'm gonna have to watch next week's episode, and see Mr. Bald Man Locke doing the two-step while being shot. Alias is definitely going to be good next week, because Ms. Garner gets to pretend to be her mother, while Mack-Daddy Garber is hallucinating. It's pure Maaadness! Wow.. I've just noticed.. this is a completely filthiless post.. I'm shocked.. Well, I'll be much more filthier tomorrow.. I'm a little bit burnt out from homework.. more importantly, my very fascinating English homework. I shouldn't complain about school, seeing as how I'm going to graduate soon.. Instead of basking in my usual pessimistic attitude.. I'm going to instead reminisce for a second.. and say what I'll miss most about school. I'll miss the various smells that run throughout the halls.. I love how it doesn't matter the person.. they can be extremely rich.. or pretty white-trash... everyone smells equally filthy.. like a wet Doberman, that's wrapped in moldy cheese. Rachel doesn't smell like a daisy either, but I'd like to think I smell like a pretty poodle or something instead.. I'm also going to miss the wonderful graffiti that's in the girl's bathroom :: I hate this damn school.. when is someone going to say something to the midget? Wow.. I'm getting kind of teary-eyed, with all of this reminiscing.... -sniff.- Well, I should probably call it a glorious night.. there's a great Lifetime movie on right now with Jessie Spanno.. and I CANNOT be late for the ending. I need to know if she gets arrested for rape, or not! They can't hold Jessie down!

Wally-World Visit!

2005-04-26T22:17:00.000-04:00

Went to Wal-Mart, with ze Mom, and we purchased a few things. I can't tell you, how much I absolutely LOVE coming to this establishment. God, just walking into the store, stepping onto the multi-stained carpet, and inhaling the fumes.. it's just breathtaking. They seriously need to bottle this smell and sell it.. it would totally kick Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson perfumes asses. I could totally picture the marketing campaign.. you'd walk into your local Belk's, or JC-Penny's, there'd be a woman in the cosmetics department.. obviously filthy.. with the name of Judith.. marketing this scent. Ah, the smell of corndogs, wet feet, straight up f'ing B.O, pizza, and just a hint of vom.. to add that extra umph. I can't really pinpoint why I hate Wal-Mart.. I guess, it's just because of the filthiness factor. I mean, when you're already a filthy bird, like myself, it's just like stepping into an even huger pile of filth. I especially loved the part when my Mom and I went to the athletic department to inquire about a pilates tape, my Mom was looking for. We go up to Large Marge who was handling the counter, and this is the exchange that took place..

Mom : `` Excuse me.. do you guys have a pilates tape?``
Marge: `` Peelattes? Don't know whatcha mean?`` After Jeff Foxworthy and Phil Margera who were also working nearby, in the fishing/paint department, were consulted, and looked like my Mom was speaking an unspoken language, we decided to hit the road. So, screw you.. Wal-Mart! We're gonna go to K-Mart, and ask the child-molestor with the hacky-sack in the entertainment department, or the 50 year old man-child manning the register!

And, yes.. I did make a certain DVD purchase from the oh-so wonderful $5.00 bin. I might get flack, but I stand by my movie choice.. because it's so kickass. Yeah, Drop Dead Gorgeous is now in my movie collection! Hell yeah! Kirstie Alley is the shiznit! ( I'm white and filthy.. and therefore since I can admit that, I have permission to use that word.)

One quick thing before I go.. This is for you.. Travy-T.. Three words.. Cynthia Nixon.. drywall.. If anyone gets the chance at some point, please find some way to check out Cynthia Nixon's new girlfriend.. I'm not going to mock anymore, but at least now.. Ms. Miranda Hobbs has a drywall partner.

Gloomy Woomy Gus

2005-04-25T20:57:00.000-04:00

So, it seems that today.. Rachy-E's lost her will to be filthy. `` Wow.. looks like someone's got a case of the Mondays!``. So, here I sit.. watching another rendition of the good ole' House of Wax series thingy on MTV, and three words come to mind. Chad. Michael. Murray. He's such an amazing Z-list celebrity. If you guys haven't watched this yet, you need to. They usually show the reruns like 1000000000 times a day, so the chances to watch are pretty endless. The thing that's so intriguing about this show, is listening to a guy like Chad Michael Murray. I absolutely love watching these Z-listers, whine and bitch, acting like they're the greatest thing next to sliced bread. Now, I'm not going go lie and say that I avoid all things Chad Michael Murray... I own Freaky Friday, for crying out loud! ( Mostly for the one scene of James Lee Curtis rocking the guitar.) Anyways, seeing good old Chad whining and bitching to the director about a certain scene where bits of the wax wall had to fall on his head, was classic. I happened to enjoy his interview, when he looked to the camera and said.. `` I'm not going to talk about my meltdown.. you guys shoved the camera in my face, and got what you wanted..`` This is the time in the program, where Rachel pulls out her good old crystal ball... Let's see.. Chad Michael Murray.. will disappear from the industry.. in about... 1 year. Au revoir, Monsieur Murray! Before, I end this filthiless post.. I want to share with you a very important.. and yes.. I'll admit.. somewhat inspirational lesson that I learned.... A lesson that I believe we should all learn, and one that should be stitched on pillows everywhere. From the words of a certain cookie-baking, leather-jacket wearing wife... `` You can always smell it.. on girls who sell it..``

Pure Wackiness!

2005-04-24T00:26:00.000-04:00

Went to the movies, and saw the new Ashton Kutcher vehicle.. " A Lot like Love." Now, before the judging starts.. the insults fly.. and you confirm my filthiness due to my movie choice, it actually wasn't that bad. The Kutch was pretty decent in the movie.. but what shocked me.. what surprised me.. was not the performance by Amanda Peet.. but the performance by her huge-ass teeth! Yup, ladies and gentlemen.. The Peet definitely gave Miss Melissa Rivers and her fake-ass choppers a run for their money in this flick.. Even though I could completely map out the entire plot sequence in the movie, before I even sat down in the Sugar-Daddy infested movie seat, I still enjoyed it. Chocked full of positively wacky music, I'm a little disappointed to say that this movie made me love the Kutch again! I know! -ducks tomatoes being thrown.- Damn him... damn him.. Saw the preview for Mr. and Mrs. Pitt.. I mean.. Smith.. and let me just say.. I haven't been as excited about a movie release like this.. since I saw the commercial for the wonderful ABC Family movie entitled " Romy and Michele in the Beginning!" In the words of the wonderful Annie Potts.. " Applause.. Applause!" This movie is going to be such a brilliant train-wreck that I can't wait to see it.. I'm going to forgive the rage I feel about a favorite movie franchise of mine being completely shat on, because I know how horrid this movie will be! I can't wait to see the wonderful Katherine Heigl from Grey's Anatomy and that AMAZING Gerard Depardu film where he pretends to be her boyfriend.. even though he's her dad. I'm sure Gerard enjoyed sticking that huge-ass nose of his in Katherine's Heigls.. And, who cares if Michele is being played by an unknown Canadian actress who's only known acting credit was starring as Dawn's friend in Buffy. This is going to be the hugest train wreck, and I can't WAIT to see it! And, Travy-T... I KNOW you'll want to see this.. seeing as how your favorite milk-carton spilling rape victim/pop star will be making a cameo at the Val Party! Stay filthy, kiddies.. because Rachy-E will be back.. and BETTER than ever!

Feelin' Filthy

2005-04-19T00:06:00.000-04:00

Dirty Bird : (dirtious maximus mammalicous) adj. - A female who exhibits one or many of the following characteristics: returns rented VHS tapes without rewinding, is first in line to purchase any new Jaclyn Smith clothing, enjoys putting on a nice pair of Keds, has an entire closet full of turtleneck sweater combos, has a bitchin' state coin collection, enjoys Meredith Baxter Burney/Judith Light pictures, always keeps hand sanitizer at close reach, talks like a jet-setting diva while actually spending Friday and/or Saturday nights in the Travel section of the local Barnes and Noble.

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